"I had been searching for this my whole life."

First, I saw black.

I was no longer connected to my body. This was not like an OBE where one would see oneself from above. This was my awareness, my soul - my essence completely checking out of the physical vehicle. Now imagine having your eyes closed, yet having no feeling in the rest of your body while feeling completely whole all the while. That is where I was at. It was like this for some incalculable amount of time that felt like an eternity and a split second all at once.

Second, I saw white.

It was a blinding light. It came at me from a distance as a pin point, and then grew to engulf my entire field of 'vision' (or, better yet, field of awareness). The effect was like that of going down a rabbit hole with a light at the bottom. As the white fully encased my vision, I felt a quickening sensation. One might describe this as flying, but it didn't feel quite like that. It felt more like being flung, without any choice, full speed into infinity. When the white had completely consumed me the feeling of inertia ceased. I felt a peaceful stillness and suddenly all was black again.

Next, I saw a rainbow.

I saw an enormous rainbow, the kind you would see in a children's book. I would describe it as a road, or a bridge. It was not an arc like you would usually picture one to be. At first it was far away, surrounded by blackness. As I slowly approached, it got larger. I felt incredibly attracted to it, almost like I knew I needed to get to it. I felt in all of my being 'The answer lies over the rainbow'. I was distinctly urged by another entity that I could not see, hear, or name, only feel, to 'Go over'. I felt resistance, but I wanted to go so bad. I kept pushing, mentally, to get closer to it. I struggled but slowly it was so close all of the colors filled my entire vision, except for a sliver of black at the top. Everything slowed down to what I can only describe as bullet speed, until I reached the climax. Really.

The Climax.

As I reached the blackness to 'over', everything became incredibly fast. It is hard for me to explain how much happened in this moment, when nothing really happened. It was blackness and the rainbow dropped away. Simultaneously I was filled with a soul shaking ecstasy that vibrated through my entire being. It was as if every cell in my essence had experienced, for lack of a better word, an orgasm. I felt as though I had broken through to this other side. I was experiencing some sort of free fall during all of this. However, it is hard to pinpoint any direction that I was travelling in because, well, there was no direction. It is hard for me to imagine now, even after experiencing it personally, how it could be that one would FEEL so much, yet only have awareness mentally with no physical. From this alone, I can assure you that after death you will feel completely as you do now, whole, even without a body.

Next, the Sea.

Slowly - one, then two, then four, and on, stars lit up in my vision. They were far away and very tiny. They twinkled white at first, and then as they grew in number and I felt I was getting closer there were colors. Colors I have never seen, colors I love, colors I am familiar with. At first, it was like looking at the sky, but as I became one with this sea it was more like a translucent river of stars and colors. They would breathe and undulate and seemed to be as one. They all interacted together like an ocean, with a tide, with waves - rising and falling lazily in space. I became aware of my place among them, floated and relaxed. The most important thing in this place was the feeling of bliss. I can only describe it as the feeling that comes right after climax, that unique relief and relaxation where nothing in the world matters. The only thing different about this was the feeling never waned. It stayed constant. It was the feeling of falling asleep on a summer's day on a hammock in the light of a warm sun. It was the feeling of drawing your child close to you out of love. It was the feeling of seeing a loved one for the first time in a long time. It was all good feelings, and it was ever present in this place. I felt like I would stay in this place for eternity. I felt a welcoming. I felt awareness around me and certainly did not feel alone. I felt that same entity again say 'You can stay here as long as you want'. I wanted to stay. I never wanted to leave. I had been searching for this my whole life. Why had I searched for this on Earth? I didn't care about any of that at the time though. All I cared about was this sea of energies. I felt the entity start to explain 'This is the source'. I watched the sea glitter, and then I saw the colors change. The colors went from many to few. One section of the sea turned purple and pink, the other blue and green. These two felt separated, yet still one. They danced together, rolling around on top of each other. It felt as if they were making love. I realized, this was love. This was a sea of nothing but love energy. This was 'Heaven'. 'Everyone is connected to the source. We come from the source, we return to the source' I heard, in a feeling kind of way.

Then this entity dropped the final few words on me. 'You cannot return to where you were if you stay'. Suddenly everything that I had forgotten, friends, family, physical pleasure, future goals, flooded into my awareness. What I was seeing and where I was had not changed, but I remembered that I was someone before this, and that someone had a life. Surprisingly, I still did not want to go. I became saddened at my dilemma and felt the sea grow further away from me. I sunk lower into sadness. The final straw was the thought of the love I had for my boyfriend at the time. The entity seemed to sigh in amusement, 'You can return later'. The moment I had accepted this answer I began to rewind through my experience. Backwards I went, over the rainbow, to the blackness, back up through the rabbit hole. I hit another patch of blackness and an enormous figure 8 appeared before me. As I got closer to it, I could see that it was a running line of this life's experience. The figure was sideways and made up of clips, like running videos, of different phases in my life. My birth and conception were at one end, with my elderly years at the other. I had a distinct feeling this entire thing had been played out millions of times before. I was suddenly crashing at uncontrollable speed towards these events I felt like I had some control over where I would land, but not total control. In those moments, I knew my entire life story, and I tried to pick a place in the loop to return to that I liked. Finally, I got down to one screen and entered.

I awoke to being resuscitated, surrounded by relieved medical staff and my family. The first face my eyes focused on was my boyfriend's face. He still remembers that moment to this day. I opened my mouth and said 'Here? This time? Seriously?' I scoffed in disgust and closed my eyes.

I have always felt, ever since that day that I picked the wrong time to come back to. I felt like I truly could have gone forward or backward in the line. I recovered just fine from the accident. 

NDERF.org, #6159