Slave song: "I want to Go Home"

 

“Slave Songs of the United States” by Charles Pickard Ware,
Lucy McKim Garrison, and William Francis Allen, 1867. 

Experience of deceased relatives, perfect freedom

The gush of blood that all of a sudden turned into an endless river, soon turned into a sudden process of feeling very, very cold. I felt I was freezing, as if life itself was leaving me. I was shivering uncontrollably on a surgical bed and the very dedicated doctors and nurses were trying their best to cover me with blankets, and to keep talking to me. My doctor had left after a long-lasting, difficult labor. She'd seen my son born. She'd seen me smile and feed him. She'd left the staff with instructions to check and see whether I'd be okay, considering there was no usual bleeding during the labor, just the placenta and the baby.

I heard them calling her and asking her to return. I had squeezed my eyes to the point of utter pain from the ‘freezing’ that had overtaken every single limb, which I was sensing in such detail during those minutes. All of a sudden, I could only think of God and felt an urge to go, to let go. Then slightly opening my eyes, the last thing I whispered to the nurse, while grabbing the cross hanging from her neck, which was lying on my chest, ‘Do you believe in God?’ She was engaged in saving me, but that second, she turned to me, removed the necklace and placed it inside my hand.

That's when I started floating. I barely glanced at the over packed surgery room, emergency bells were ringing for my doctor. I saw her looking at my body and talking to it as I was hovering above, happy, healthy, excited. Before I knew it, I was sucked like from if by a vacuum cleaner, into this wonderful pool of light. Even today, that pool is the most beautiful, most perfect thing I've ever experienced. For lack of a truly better word, I can't describe it as anything else but ‘thing.’ Yet, the one word I'd address to the entire experience/journey would be ‘REALITY’. THAT pool, THAT place, THAT event was the most REAL thing that's ever happened to me.

On that background, the life I'd been living on planet Earth was an insignificant second of an experiment, which I'd volunteered for. The ME; I wasn't Anna the lady who'd just given birth; but it was a light being: ‘LIGHT’ in every sense. I was made of the same light as the one with which the pool was filled. I sensed everything, felt everything beautiful as there can ever be. I thought and understood everything and was floating around inside the pool happily, ‘FINALLY back HOME!!’ ‘LIGHT’ as in lightness, no gravity, no strings attached. I was s-o-o-o happy that I wouldn't have to sleep, or eat anymore, no tiredness, no negativity, no anxieties whatsoever, and you float and float lightly, dancing and singing with no audiovisuals, you're just BEING, that's what you're for: TO BE!

I did have a brusque memory of my husband and children, of our house and friends and relatives. I absolutely KNEW (don't know how, but I sensed perfectly well that I simply KNEW) that they'll be perfectly well, whether I'm with them or not. Next, I was supported by light pool-waves that felt so gentle and caressing, like a mother's touch and a mother's love.

I floated onward into a space that was endless and was neither too bright, nor too dark. It was a place, though, without limits. Then I saw seven and some more sheds of lights/light beings moving towards me. We didn't have speech. We conversed, yet not a single vocal word was uttered. The very central being was my deceased mother-in-law who told me they'd be keeping me company, for I was to return in a while.

Her thought came into my being and I could feel and see things through her mind and sense exactly how she meant it. I ‘told’ her, ‘I would so love for you to be with us and play with your grandchildren’. She ‘answered’, ‘Don’t you worry at all! Before this child was born, we went together to all the gardens and lovely forests and we laughed, played, and sang together. Besides, now that I'm here I can protect you much stronger than if I was there, weak and ill.’

My aunt, father-in-law, and grandmothers were all there. Yet, the remaining ones weren't relatives I'd known from earth. They were light beings I've known before being born into the Earth. They guided me to a ‘library.’ I place this word inside quotation marks because it was a multidimensional composition: I cannot even call it a structure. Apparently, I had a ‘job’ up there and had left it ‘briefly’ when coming to Earth because I'd needed to experience certain things and learn certain things in order to be able to continue my work. There were stair-like features, which we could move by the will of our minds.

By the way, everything I'd learned: languages, subjects, nature observations, while being on Earth, were absolutely useful up there.

I had then floated onto my unfinished manuscript that looked like some form of tablet except it would only appear by my mind's command. It had data from way before, but since I already knew it, I didn't even look back. I simply stared at it. Out of where my forehead is placed now that I'm human again, appeared these strange characters/letters, round and perfect, a language I'd known seemingly eternally. By sheer thinking of these thoughts, these characters stamped themselves onto the manuscript. I cannot call these characters ‘language’ as we know it. One doesn't need to speak it or write it. It's simply a thought process. However, these thoughts I'd inserted into the manuscript had and served a great purpose, which as a Light Being I knew.

However, back in my human body, I don't have a clue, as if there was a veil administered upon my return.

There were many other light beings conducting similar work, and yet I knew that not every soul or light being is given such a task. Ours was a team destined to do this. Others were destined for other ‘work’. Time and space had no physicality, no validity. I'd call the whole thing as FREEDOM, the PERFECT FREEDOM, which every person, I know, aspires to, fights for, and dreams. The one thing I understood was that Aramaic and Armenian heritages hadn't happened to me just this one Earth lifetime, but several other times as well. It was as if I was in charge of moving this lineage of light beings. However, no notions of nationality, or races or gender, or political choices, or kings, or cultures held valid up there.

Everything was filled with love and knowledge. Then, I raised my head off the ‘library’ as if by someone's gentle calling of my name; someone was telling me ‘Anna, I need for you to go back’. That moment I felt a piercing, earth-like sadness. I found myself far from the pool and the library, but looking at the Planet earth from the space/cosmos. A light being had risen next to me pointing at the Planet and a voice asking me ‘Look there (the planet)! What do you see?’ I said, ‘I see Planet earth and I don't want to go back. This is my home, why are you sending me back there?’ He soothingly calmed me. It was all sensory, no touches, and no words.

Then he asked again, with such a divine voice, an actual, physical voice, ‘Look again. What do you see NOW?’ Suddenly, I saw what the voice saw, ‘I see our planet and there are no borders dividing countries. The borders are gone!!’ He said, ‘This is why you're going back. You have a mission.’ That's how I came back.

I had a very difficult time afterwards, trying to adjust. I was an avid reader before, but became even hungrier for knowledge, absorbing lots of information the entire time. I became more conscious of the environment, of clean air, clean water, world hunger, wars and poverty. I grew such levels of empathy that at times it's hard not to feel the pain of another human being. I kept talking to representatives of various religions and they hadn't much to say. The closest to explaining things I saw, perhaps, were most parts from the Vedas. [Editor’s Note: The Vedas are the primary texts of Hinduism.]

I've been having out of body experiences, very sudden, usually at night, more frequent and intense than ever before. I do have certain extrasensory moments; however, I avoid working on them, or rather do not wish to get too deep into them. I do, at times, get nostalgic trying to figure out what ‘the mission’ was. But overall, it was the best thing I've ever experienced in my life here on earth.

NDEFR.org, #7433

 

Boy sees deceased grandma while in ambulance

In 1963 I was hit by a car while riding my bike. My body flew 40 feet from the site of impact. I was left with an open compound fracture to my left Fibula and Tibia and a broken left knee. I do not remember the accident but I do remember watching myself being loaded into the ambulance. It was the old fashion kind, like a hearse-looking vehicle where the one back door opens all the way. My next thought was one of floating through white clouds. There was no sky, no ground, no trees and no animals.

I was floating toward an open gate where the light coming from beyond the gate was brighter than the sun but soft enough that you could look at it. I saw a long line of people 4 or 5 abreast going into the gate. As I approached the gate, I was greeted by my grandmother and what I knew to be her sister although we had never met. My grandmother told me to go back, it wasn't my time but I still approached her. After much meditation on the experience as to whether there were arms and legs, I remembered, my grandmother's sister raised her arm out of the mist and pointed and said 'look'. As I turned and looked, I saw an ambulance going down the road about to go under an over pass. As I turned back to my grandmother, I opened my eyes and I was back in the ambulance and we were going under that over pass.

The next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital. I had a cast on my left leg from my toes to my hip. The first thing I said to my mother who was rubbing my temples when I woke up was, 'I saw grandma', SSSHHHHH she said, we will talk about that later. Well later never came and my young mind soon forgot about it. Over the years, I have wondered if it was even real. I wish my mom would have talked to me about it. But even more than that, I wish that I was able to go through the gate to see the other side. Are there trees and animals in heaven? I do not know but I do know that I experienced something beyond this life. Although the thoughts are very vivid, my mind still has trouble accepting the fact that it happened. 

NDERF.org, #9227

Boy communicates by telelpathy to get help

My family was on a trip to visit friends in Carolina. I was nine at the time and my kid sister was four. Our friends lived in an older house that was being remodeled. Being the sort of child who loved to go exploring, I found an upstairs closet with a large hole in the floor that seemingly led to a secret room. I tried to climb down through the hole, slipped, and became stuck. My weight was pressing down on my diaphragm and my arms were pinned.

I felt only a brief moment of panic and then very calmly and matter-of-factly passed out. As I passed out, I exited my body and found myself floating in the center of the room. I was aware of the entire room, my stuck body, and the surroundings within and without the house. I was also aware of a sort of shimmering fog that surrounded the area and that was growing more distinct and substantial by the moment.

While I felt very calm and very peaceful, I was also aware of a sense of very real urgency in that, if I did not get help soon I would not be able to get back.

I was aware of my sister playing outside in the yard with our friends and I moved out through the second story window and down into yard. I positioned myself just inches from my sister's face. I knew that I could not make any sound, and though I could hear my sister's thoughts, I could feel a resistance like a heavy wool blanket between us preventing me from communicating with her.

Somehow, I knew to focus my attention in the mental equivalent of a shout in the hope that it would pierce that resistance. I directed all of my thought toward her in a yell for help. She suddenly ran toward the house.

I returned to body and found my sister leading the adults into the room. They pulled me from the hole and I started breathing again. 

NDERF.org, #6802

Finally came to terms with returning to her body

I had not been well for about 1 week. I had extreme abdominal pain and went to the doctor for a noon appointment. I almost cancelled the doctor's appointment as the pain had subsided around 10 a.m. When I got to the doctor's office, I was examined quickly and he ordered an emergency ultrasound. During the ultrasound, they stopped and I was booked into emergency surgery for 12:30 p.m. that day. I was put to sleep in the operating room.

Then all of the sudden, I started floating out of my body. I felt free, peaceful, no pain. I looked down and they were doing compressions on me. I continued to float up and a tunnel appeared. There was a beautiful tunnel with a bright light at the end of it. The light was brighter than the sun but did not hurt my eyes. It was pure white light. I knew that I had died and would be leaving behind a 5-6 month old infant and my husband, but I did not care. I wanted to go into the light. I wanted to go home.

When I came through the light, I knew everyone there and they were so happy to see me: welcoming me home. They were all dead relatives I had never met before, but I knew everyone. They also appeared in human-form, to be recognized, but somehow I sensed that was not their true form now. I had a connection with everyone and almost a collective consciousness.

I do not know how to describe it. There are so many emotions right now recalling it, but before I saw everyone when I came through the light, it felt like a blanket of love was wrapped around me. No feeling here on earth, in the present, can express the love or the feelings. Everything was ‘pure’, the brightest blues, greens, reds, yellows, whites, purples. It was like a filter being removed to see the purity of everything.

I turned and went to the right, where I saw what I believe was God. It was pure energy, but you knew who that was and the great wisdom that was within. God spoke to me stating that the message to bring back was 'love. We all have to live in love.’

The next thing I saw was a meadow in the mountains with indescribable beauty. The sky was the bluest blue; the grass was the greenest green. All colors here are extremely pale compared to there. I saw my grandmother, running with children, towards me. She took me by the hand and we were at the beginning of a bridge over a small creek. We talked for what seemed like hours about my life since she had died. I had just turned 9 years old when she died. We also talked about when she came to let me know that she died, to say goodbye until we would meet again and not to be sad. She was so vibrant and healthy, despite dying of a brain tumor. I told her how much I missed her and she said that she watches over my son and me. She then said something unexpected to me, 'You have to go back, it is not your time, yet.' She also said that a ‘blink of an eye could be 80 years’ in our time but that time was man-made. ‘There is no time here.’ I understood what she meant. I said that I wanted to stay and she said ‘it is not your time’. All of the sudden, I was falling back through the tunnel; the light was getting further away.

All of the sudden, I felt all this pain, excruciating pain from being back in my body. As I was falling back into my body, they were still doing compressions on me. The next thing I knew I woke up in the recovery room; the nurses called to the doctor that I was awake. There was a lot of fussing around me. I was confused and extremely angry that I was back in my body. It took me about 4 years to bring up this event to my husband and then he belittled me stating that I was crazy. I never spoke about it again for about 10 years. By that time I was divorced and getting my life back together. I was still angry about being here but have come to terms with it and the anger is gone. I know I will be going back there when it is my time. 

NDERF.org, #7373

 

In NDE discovered light "threaded" through her life

I was in a car, with my family, on a trip in India, when suddenly there was a commotion. There was a sound of the car going off road, and I could see both my brothers, the one who was sitting in the back and the one in the front, jumping and trying to catch the wheel. The car was tumbling down the mountain.

The circumstances in the car were in the back of my awareness. In the front of my awareness, I heard a masculine, comforting voice say several times slowly, ‘It is all okay’. Part of the meaning of this in Hebrew is, ‘everything is in order’. Surprisingly, I was experiencing absolute peace and I felt no fear. As the car was tumbling down the mountain, turning and bumping against the hard surfaces, the voice calmly said, ‘Roll with it’, as if it was just a movement exercise. Feeling absolute peace, I let myself roll.

The voice came as if from inside of my head but at the same time ‘It’ wasn’t ‘me’. It was very comforting, stable and strong. I did not recognize the voice but I connected to it very deeply, and knew I could trust it with all my heart. As I was ‘rolling’ with every tumble, I suddenly wasn’t in the car anymore. I experienced complete trust. I was surrounded with space, as I saw my whole life unfolding. I was watching millions of the pictures of my life’s events, like a movie broken down into picture frames. All the little deeds, thoughts and moments upon moments, even the ones I forgot ever happened, they were all there. It was such a fascinating sight. The most curious thing was that the pictures were not connected to one another; they had a gap between them that looked like a string of light. It looked like they were threaded upon this string of light.

My main feelings were equanimity, awe and curiosity. There was a strong quality of inquiry and inquisitiveness as I was examining everything. Every time a question came to me, the answer was immediately revealed. This unfolding of pictures and gaps developed and progressed continuously, presenting a constant delicate consequential line, in perfect order, a chain of events, yet somehow they were all happening at once. The past the present and the future were all happening at once. It was inspiring to witness the order and sense that all these little pictures seemed to have in ‘the big picture’.

I felt a lot of compassion. I was all forgiven. In fact, there was nothing to forgive. I could see that my life had ‘perfect order’ to it. In some way it was like watching a mathematical equation, or sum, that makes perfect sense. Such event and such event create this kind of result. It was a simple portrayal of natural cause and effect, with a gentle understanding. There was no judgment, only innocence. As I was watching this linear unfolding of pictures, I realized that just by looking and focusing on a specific picture, ‘zooming in’ on it, I could also ‘enter’ that scene and then come back out of it, ‘zoom out’ and return to my place of observation.

I looked back at my childhood. I could enter pictures there. From each picture, moment or thought, there was always the possibility to access that light that separated between it and the next picture. I could also see all the thoughts I had all my life. Their ‘pictures’ were as strong as the pictures that depicted action or words. I was amazed to see that our thoughts are that strong, so real. It looked as though they were also threaded on a string of light. I realized that everything that happened to me and every single thought I had, created an imprint. Every single event or thought influenced my life and the lives of those around me. Every feeling, every intention, every time I was aware of the light and gap between the pictures, everything counted. As I looked, I felt very peaceful. I could see how the last moment of my life was a result of everything that had ever happened to me, before. I could see my life was a perfect manifestation of just what it was, who I was. There was complete acceptance, even of those moments that I remembered as less pleasant.

My life, all our lives were threaded with this light that filled the gap between each picture. In the moments that we are open to it, we connect with it. It is that simple. It is there always. The last moment or picture of my life was I, rolling down the mountain in a car, with my mother, my brothers and the driver. I was suddenly inside that picture again. I could see how we are all connected. I was connected to everybody in a multi-faceted light web, a DNA-like hologram that was in perfect order. Everything connected to everything with delicate threads of light, which were the gaps between each moment. It showed my connection to other people, other souls, other incidents, moments past future and present. There was complete order and complete acceptance of everything. Then, there were no more pictures, but a strong sense of motion forwards.

I now was continuing onwards, I felt that I was leaping forward. There was nothing around me. There was only space. I tried to understand where I was. I felt very clear in my mind. I also felt happy and light. I was in another realm. Somehow, I was still alive but I didn’t have my body. I know for a fact that I am, that I exist. I sensed that I had left my body. I reflected upon the last picture I saw in my thread of life, of myself inside the car that was rolling down a mountain, and concluded it must have been the last moment of my life in a fatal car accident.

I now realized and understood that there was life after death; I have died and left my body, yet I still exist. I tried to understand where I was. I was in a transition. All I could notice different from before, besides not having a body, was that the air, or the space, was of a slightly different consistency and shade. I reflected on how this whole transition between life and death, is very smooth and calm. It became clear to me that death is the continuation of life, and not the opposite of it. It was on going. I felt vibrant like a child, very curious to see what was next, looking at everything with new eyes.

Next, I felt myself emerging out of a vacuum-like blackness. I had immense speed. I had no body but my spirit had eyes. Around me was a scenery like earth, I thought. There were trees and rocks; we were on a mountainside. I say ‘we’ because after traveling for a while swiftly through this scenery, I could see myself, my body, sitting on the mountain’s edge. I was leaning forward towards the abyss. I joined my body to see what was going on, and found myself looking at this immense light. It was amazing. I recognized the light from meditation experiences I had: moments of insight, spiritual experiences, and strong experiences of unconditional love. Actually, I realized this light was threaded inside every moment of my life and I have always, always known it and had access to it. I felt deep intimacy and powerful love, a great surrender, relief and joy.

From what I have seen, our lives were threaded with this light, which fills the gap between each moment. At each moment, every situation, and every thought: the light is always available to us. If we’re aware that it’s there, we can remind ourselves to call on it: To connect to it. I was now sitting near this light, near the source of it. I had never felt it so strongly. It was everything. Everything I have ever needed everything I need or everything I might ever need in the future. Everything was in this light. It was warm. It had an immense healing and nourishing quality to it. It was pure, immense, powerful unconditional Love. I knew I could trust this light. I was kneeling in front of this light. All I could feel was a great yearning to be part of it. I was aware of being presented with a choice. With gratitude, I decide that I must emerge with this light. I know that I do not want to choose anything different. I smiled a big smile and jumped. For one eternal moment, I was one with it.

The next moment I saw my body lying down on the ground and felt like I was ‘entering’ it. I came back to life. I understood that somehow I’m back in life. I felt quite surprised since I didn't think I made that choice. The first thing I realized was that I cannot breathe. The voice that was with me at the beginning of my experience, came again, and said, ‘contract your diaphragm.’ I did forcefully and that's how I started to breathe. Then I began to feel my senses, there was a terrible taste in my mouth like dirt, and a horrible smell in the air, that was filled with gasoline and smoke.

For the next hour, many interesting things happened. I think that because of the NDE, a different window of perception has suddenly opened in my awareness. It was as if that window took some time to close. For a while, even though I was back ‘here’ in my body, I could get glimpses from that ‘other’ realm. I can in all honesty say that my NDE was the most powerful, insightful and joyous experience I had ever had. 

NDERF.org, # 7153

Survivor has premonition of her accident

Prior to this experience: At age 6, 7 or 8, I was told in a dream that I would have an opportunity to live or die before I was 24 years old. The water skiing accident occurred 3 months and 12 days before my 24th birthday.

I saw the ski boat headed in my direction. I waved my arms and screamed. I knew I would be hit; I said the Our Father prayer as the shadow of the boat overcame me. I remember the impact forced the air from me.

Immediately I was without a body. The best way to describe the experience is that I knew who I was, however, I did not feel pain nor was I afraid. A tremendous white light surrounded me. I felt unbelievable peace, love, harmony, goodness. I knew I was floating, that I did not have a body; I sensed goodness around me then sensed a question asking if I was ready to die. I knew I had mixed feelings. Instantaneously, I saw my grave with my two little children crying standing apart from my husband, their dad. I sensed I could not leave my children; I saw the lake water parting as I was pushed to the surface of the lake.

I saw a clear blue sky and a single white bird then I felt the pain. I made my way to the boat that hit me. A nurse and a doctor were at lakeside. I later learned only a nurse was present when our boat docked; I will swear a doctor was also there; that the doctor applied a pressure bandage to my abdomen. I later learned no doctor was present. Paramedics arriving 15-20 minutes after the accident was called in applied the pressure bandage. I remember the premonition, the accident, and the experience as if each happened just yesterday though 37 years have passed. I experience a degree of premonition limited to events I need to be aware of, prepared for. May 17, 1977 changed my life, the lives of my children in ways too surreal to mention. I feel the accident was a blessing of significant degrees. 

NDERF.org, #7303