NDERF.org report translated from French

I was 16 years old and born into a practicing, Catholic family. On Saturday in January 1982, I was walking to church to attend mass. I was very disappointed to not be allowed to go to a dance party with a friend. I had just left her house, saying this prayer inwardly, 'Lord, you see what this sacrifice is costing me, make it at least so that it’s not in vain!' 

I crossed a bridge and came to an intersection, where I entered the crosswalk. The last image I saw was the horrified face of the driver in the car. Simultaneously, I heard a terrifying sound of brakes. I told myself, 'I'm going to die!'

I flew over the vehicle, and was dragged under the wheels of the car behind that one. At that moment, I saw the scene from above, in 360° spherical vision but without realizing that this scene was about me. I saw disturbed onlookers, a crowd, and heard the shouts and howls.

I was thinking, 'Why are they getting disturbed?' Then I moved and saw my parents run up to the bridge. I said to myself, 'Why is Mum in slippers? She looks distraught; there's something bad going on. Oh, hey, there's a wrecked car and some feet sticking out…” Then I saw a young man I knew who was watching.

I was able to tell him afterwards that I knew he was there on that day and I acurately described how he was dressed.

I was then suddenly sucked into a luminous tunnel. I saw an immense light. I moved toward the light, feeling intense Happiness and a fullness and peace I had never known. I felt my soul expand such that it felt like it encompassed the whole universe. It was wonderful as I was bathed in universal love. There were multitudes of people, but I couldn't see any faces. Instead, I 'felt' them. All my senses were heightened in an extraordinary way.

At that moment, I never wanted to go back or to leave this Happiness. Then a magnificent lady, who was dressed in a luminous, white dress, was standing in front of this great halo of light. I was sucked into this light. This woman was very beautiful, but above all because of the kindness that I saw in her smile and the way she looked at me. I knew I was loved. I thought then that it was my grandmother who had passed away shortly before this experience. She seemed to be fully listening to the person behind her whom I call 'the luminous star'. I wanted to move forward, but she stopped me by waving me back. It was a very painful rejection that stayed with me for several years. I insisted, without using words, that I wanted to stay with her. Words weren't necessary. She listened to the luminous star who seemed to speak to her but I couldn't hear it. Then she told me, 'You still have things to do on Earth; you must go back.'

Then I saw, as in a kaleidoscope, a kind of flashback movie showing all the moments of my life where I had not loved enough. There were some very concrete situations, but I can't remember exactly. What I remember is that all of those moments were like hot mud thrown in my face. It was very painful, so I begged God to stop this torture. I made a last prayer in what I thought was the Kingdom of the dead, 'If you save my life, I promise to make up for all these moments and to love more.'

I opened my eyes and saw the stretcher-bearers place me in the vacuum mattress. I was dazed and didn't speak. The police and firefighters told me that I should have died under the circumstances. They couldn't believe that I only had a few broken bones, bruises, and head trauma.

For two years, I had nightmares upon hearing the sound of the brakes. But each time, like a reassuring hand, the memory of the lady soothed me. Then I wrote a note to my mother who told me that from what I had written her, she thought that I had seen not my grandmother but the Virgin Mary. I couldn't tell anyone else, as I feared that I would be mocked, except I did tell my husband ten years later.

This brief moment of a few seconds is unforgettable. It helped me greatly in the following years to endure significantly painful ordeals. I had another serious accident that resulted in multiple transplant operations and one year of rehabilitation. I experienced the loss of our first baby. I had two acute pancreatitis attacks two years apart during the period of post-partum. I had several hospitalizations in intensive care. I have experienced five births and the departure of my grandfather, and then of my father.

Before this experience, my life was a black and white movie. Afterwards, it was a movie in color.

Each encounter and the words of the gospel, took an unexpected meaning in light of this experience. My faith was strengthened. I even thought I was called to religious life. Then I met my husband who also had an intense inner life.

I understood that we would be judged on Love (as St John of the Cross says) and that our life is only a trivial passage, but especially it is not real Life. True Life is blissful eternity, but we can begin to live this eternity right now. As I understood a few years later, it is no longer necessary to die to know or relive this experience: by loving here on earth, we explore the Heaven of our soul and live the communion of Saints in the anticipation of the Kingdom of God.