NDE experience of walking and being loved

I did not wake up for at least a day and maybe two or three days after surgery. I have a very rare disease that was misdiagnosed at the time. The pump that the surgeon was putting in, when working properly, helped people with both my actual disease and those with the disease I was misdiagnosed with. The technology was new at the time and the surgeon had never put one in before. Another doctor later told me that she thought the surgeon put too medicine in the pump at the time of surgery. Overdosing me with this drug can totally paralyze a person. That's why I didn't wake up and couldn't breathe effectively. Another anesthesiologist in another hospital thought that my disease negatively interacted with the anesthesia. He developed a different 'recipe' for anesthesia that was specific to people with my disease. Maybe it was both, the anesthesia and the pump drug together? No matter though because all my vital organs were compromised. The correct diagnosis is Moersch-Woltman syndrome, otherwise known as 'stiff person syndrome'.

Visitors were told that I was probably going to die. I don't remember how bad my breathing was, but a friend who was also a nurse came to visit me. She later told me that I was gasping for breath about four times a minute. Having witnessed death quite a bit, she thought that every breath was my last.

Meanwhile, I 'went' somewhere else.

I was in a thin and large transparent 'tube,' like a very thin membrane that I could see through. I was 'running' through the tube at light-speed, watching the stars and the universe go by. The amazing part, to me at the time, was that I could not walk at all, since I used a wheelchair and was completely stiffened . This experience of actually running was so freeing, so amazing, and so wonderful! Looking forward, the tube seemed endless as it was twisting away into eternal space. But I didn't care because I was so free, and with every running-step, it took me eons away. Then I was suddenly in a beautiful place. There was a meadow to my left as it descended down a rolling hill with wildflowers. There was a lush, green forest in the distance beyond the meadow.

There were two people there with me. Behind these people, was a stone wall covered with ivy. That wall separated me from everything else in front of me. I could not see over it or around it. One of the people was like a gardener with a rake. It seemed to me that he was absently raking the stones or the gravel in front of the wall. It reminded me of how Buddhists monks make calming designs in gravel. But I had the feeling that he was paying attention to what was happening with me and the other person. I later felt that this person, whose face I could never see, was probably my deceased father. My father and I had had a rocky relationship during my childhood and teenage years and up until the time he had died. I felt that he wanted to be there to know that I was o.k. and for me to know that he deeply loved me, in spite of some of the things that had happened between us. He died when I was age 21 and I never got to repair our relationship. I had always wanted to resolve my anger towards him and my deep fear of him.

The other person is difficult to describe. He was made of love. Everything about him exuded love and defined what love really is. He took me into his arms and just held me there. He fed me that love; that calm and peaceful love.

My life had been so painful for so long. I was trying so hard to just live for our young children. I was trying to maintain some sense of purpose rather than being a very sick and costly burden. That moment, when I was so gently held by this person, I felt healed of my deepest grieving and my greatest loneliness. I felt he had answered my most unasked questions, told me I was unquestionably and deeply valued and loved just as I was. It was all communicated to me without any words whatsoever.

Then I woke up in the ICU. 

NDERF.org