The light was love and understanding. I was home.

I had a bad asthma attack which landed me in the hospital. They gave me something which seemed a lot like the general anesthesia I was given for two surgeries later in life. It helped me to breathe, but I was tired, slipped away to sleep, and stopped breathing. I felt the sensation of some time passing. I also felt as though I was dreaming of seeing someone in a bed who was surrounded by doctors. But, there was a strange physical sensation as well, which is hard to describe. It troubled me and I could not wake from this dream.

I was floating above a person and didn't make the cognitive connection at first, that this was my body. I could see my mother in the corner of the room and became worried for her. It was about this time, when I realized this was not a dream, that I just wanted to go home. The next thing I knew, it was nighttime. I was outside the house and looking in the kitchen window. I could not get inside the house and I couldn't attract the attention of my family inside. This horrified me and some time passed. I was wandering around in the dark and eventually found others who were similarly confused as to where we where and what was going on. This is hard to explain, but we didn't really have a physical presence. I remember getting to know and understand these people as we were all going through this same experience together. It was like we were in a group and the lights were turned off. We knew that we were all still there but could not see one another. I guess that's the best way I can describe it. Some time passed here as well, but I was determined to find a way out for all of us which was probably absurd since I didn't know where we were.

From here on, all linearity kind of ends. I remember things, but it's like they all happened at once. Time ceased to exist. People have asked me if I remember a tunnel, and my answer is 'No, not exactly.' There was a light, kind of dim and from a distance. The light got closer and more intense. I felt a Love that brings tears to me as I write this. I wanted so much to go back and bring all of the others with me to this place, but I didn't really have control of it. As wonderful and amazing as this place felt, I was pretty much along for the ride. I don't know how much of this I can put into words of accurately describe. The light was love and understanding. It was outside of me, through me, and in me. It was home. I've never felt a love like this since, though there have been very brief moments of kindness and acceptance that I just live for. It's hard to see the computer screen for the tears in my eyes. I want so much to use all my will to reach back and pull those people in the darkness here to just be here, but I don't know how.

It's hard for me to describe what happened next. I was- and it was as if something else in side me, was speaking an a strange language but I understood it to be a recounting of this and past lives, kind of like and introduction to someone else. There was a life review where it was like a re-living of certain moments in my life up to this point. I felt with complete clarity how I felt and how the other person felt through my actions, my words, and my thoughts. These were times when I probably should have acted differently, used better judgement, not gotten caught up in emotion. This was a very humbling experience. To think I had only been here 7 years in this life- it concerns me what the next one will be like, because although I'm more aware of how I affect those around me; I still get emotional, I still screw up, and I'm well aware that this experience has not made me perfect...maybe more aware of how imperfect I am more than anything else, but it has not prevented me from being stupid, insensitive, egotistical, and uncaring. If anything, it has driven home the point of trying to be more mindful, but all the while realizing that I'm far from perfect, and it's something that requires constant effort and attention.

At a certain point I met someone who seemed to be there to assist me in deciding whether I should come back in this life or start all over in another. I would call this person my guide, and although I'm not really aware of them having a physical presence, I felt a feminine energy about them. I wanted to know more about them and this place I was in. But, it was clear that this experience was not about them. It was more like going to a guidance counselor. I was young, but emotionally invested in the people of this life. Starting over and not really knowing what that would be like was hard for me to accept. I was shown parts of my future life, like going up to a screen and suddenly being in the moment experiencing it. It was as though I were there at that moment, feeling how I would feel at that time. I was shown parts of my future in this life if I chose to go on. You would think I could predict the future with what I was shown, yet it could be due to the fact that I don't deal with detailed information really well. I tend to look at the global perspective and see the forest but not the trees. But there was a clarity there in that place, which doesn't seem to exist for me here. It was simple to understand so much more than I can here. Although I do get feelings about people and things here once in awhile, it's not like I remember feeling there. As these moments unfolded in my life here, after this NDE, there would be a sense of familiarity about some things. Sometimes it can be about people, even though I had not met them before.

The things I was shown have been more like choices that were made when the options were fairly limited. The feeling at the time of the choice was simply 'This feels right. This feels like the right thing to do.' With that feeling is a sense of peace, and calm. I was told that if I were to continue in this life, that it would be unlikely that I would reach my potential. However, it seemed clear that starting over was a wild card and I was not shown anything about that. I remember meeting other people, and I get the feeling that these were people who had lived here and were there to help me decide what to do. I was shown details of my future that I don't feel really comfortable divulging here. Some things were embarrassing. There was a total and complete clarity there, and it had nothing to do with my sense of self, or ego, but everything to do with what I came into this life to do, to learn, and to experience and grow.

I can see that I am running out of room here, so I will cut it short...When I returned to my body, I really missed that place and I still think about it today. We are here to grow as spiritual beings and to experience certain things. I remember things from before and during my birth. I remember choosing my parents for their personality and kindness. On a certain level I'm pretty sure I chose to have asthma to keep me from making the mistakes of another life. I may have chosen my NDE to keep me aware of why I'm here.

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