"Communication was non-verbal and instantious."

I had been ill with chest pain, fever, headache, night sweats for about a week, but had not missed work, and I was on-call. I finished rounds and went to the Urgent Care clinic. The chest x-ray showed suspicious nodule in my lungs. A CT scan of my chest resulted in my being flown to a cardio-vascular intensive care unit after being diagnosed with a dissecting aortic aneurysm. After arrival at the tertiary care center, a regular echocardiogram did not support the diagnosis of an aortic aneurysm.

The CT also showed hilar lymph nodes and a peripheral pulmonary nodule, but this was not the primary concern at the time. [Editor’s Notes: Hilar lymph nodes are located in the region of the junction of each lung and its bronchi. Peripheral pulmonary nodule is a common disease of the lung, which can be benign or malignant.]

I was sedated due to erratic Blood Pressure and went to the operating room with plans for cardiothoracic surgery and was prepped for a heart bypass and intubated. They then did a trans-esophageal echocardiogram, which also did not confirm an aneurysm, so the surgery was, thankfully, cancelled. The next morning, I woke up with a very sore throat and an arterial line in my left wrist. There was still some doubt as to whether the aneurysm was present, so they ordered another heart test.

It was on the way to this procedure that the NDE occurred. I was chatting with my nurse, who was pushing me down a long underground empty tunnel in a wheelchair. As we approached an elevator, I realized that I was losing my vision. It worsened and I mentioned it to my nurse. She asked if we needed to return to the intensive care unit. I told her, ‘I think so,’ as I could no longer see and was losing my hearing. I tried to put my head down, but was about to fall out of the wheelchair when she yanked me upright. That is the last thing that I recall.

At this point, I had been off the blood pressure-lowering drip for at least an hour, and the last morphine injection. I had a bad headache that morning with the injection about 2 hours prior. I don't recall feeling sedated and did not have a fever at the time.

My next recollection is being in a vast, seemingly endless, space filled with brilliant white light. I recall no limits on perception, no binocular vision, but panoramic/ spherical/360 degrees: hard to describe. I spent what seemed like a long time, certainly not minutes, hours, or days; more like weeks, months, or eons. Time was meaningless. I was with a group of beings that I felt I had known for a very long time. It seemed like more than 12 minutes and less than 25 minutes.

I have a vague recollection of having my Earthly experiences ‘downloaded’, and having a great reunion with these beings, with a great period of relaxation and recuperation. Communication was non-verbal and instantaneous. It involved relaying entire occurrences, concepts, and events with associated emotions, not just words and sentences. Eventually a consensus was reached that I should return to the life I had left, as it was unfinished.

I don't recall how I appeared, but I do recall how the other beings appeared as I departed from them. They were like brilliant jewel bright points of scintillating light. Only two colors, though: emerald green and deep purple. I thought, 'this is weird, why not all colors?' I recall them receding into the distance.

The next memory is being a point of consciousness hovering. I don't recall any sound. I was back to having binocular vision; my entire field of vision was taken up by, what I eventually realized, was a ‘face’. I recall pondering the significance of this ‘thing’, and eventually realized it was a being. I recall feeling pity for ‘it’ and perceiving it as child-like. I watched a little longer and suddenly had the realization that the eyes of the thing were ‘green’ and they looked familiar. I then felt a sense of compassion as I recognized it was suffering. I recall the eyes staring and mouth being open. (I seem to recall an oxygen mask, but not real certain about that).

With the feeling of compassion, came an instantaneous sense of connection and I was suddenly wrenched back into the body and the memory of who ‘I’ was and the circumstances of where I was returned. It was a very rapid transition. I could hear again, and could hear the medical staff yelling orders. I was drenched in sweat and felt awful and very weak and hurt all over. Later, I learned that I had had seizure activity.

I recall a bald-headed man leaning over me. Someone else to my right yelled ‘do you have epilepsy’ and I turned my head and told them ‘no’. Someone on my left was fumbling under my gown trying to put on defibrillator pads, and then asked ‘should I take them off’. Someone else said ‘No, we may lose her again’. At some point, I recall starting to cry and asking them ‘why did you bring me back to this place. It was so nice there. Everyone was so nice and loved each other. It was so beautiful. Why did you have to bring me back here?’ Those nearby seemed to hear me and seemed shocked, but remained professional, as I recall. I was quiet for a while processing what I remembered of the experience while they worked. I recall eventually asking them not to tell my husband that I didn't want to come back. I'm quite sure they thought I was an ungrateful lunatic, but they were relieved I was alive.

The rest I pieced together by asking a lot of questions and my nurse confirmed that my heart had stopped briefly (cardiac arrest) after developing hypotension (systolic to 30) and bradycardia. She also told me about the seizure. Another nurse told me that ‘my’ nurse was one of the most experienced CVICU nurses there. She went home early and I never saw her again to thank her. I was told that she was pretty shaken up. Mostly, no one wanted to talk about it. They eventually chalked it up to the effects of prolonged ‘vasovagal response’ resulting in bradycardia (decreased heart rate) and eventual brief cardiac arrest. [Editor’s Note: Vasovagal response is a rapid drop in the heart rate and blood pressure resulting in loss of consciousness.]

Apparently, when the nurse ran back to the intensive care unit, she had her chin holding me into the wheelchair while I was having a seizure. Folks came out of the unit to meet her when the telemetry showed the blood pressure and heart rate drop. Several doctors and nurses picked me up and ‘threw’ me onto a bed. This resulted in a return of spontaneous circulation, apparently. I remained in the intensive care unit for several more days, had the heart test, and was told my heart and cardiovascular system was in perfect shape. I was still having erratic heart rate and blood pressure issues, so I was sent to a cardiac step-down unit for about four more days. I underwent a pulmonary work-up for bronchoscopy and CT guided biopsy of the chest for the other lung related issues. There were some arrhythmias, but no further major issues. Presumptive diagnosis of Sarcoidosis, but not fully confirmed. [Editor’s note: Sarcoidosis is an inflammatory disease that can affect multiple organs, but mostly the lymph nodes and lungs.] Sarcoidosis can also affect the heart conduction system. 

NDERF.org, # 7054