Intense pain, loud noise, swiftly extracted
through the top of my head to the uppermost left-hand corner of the
ceiling of the surgical suite. Awareness of self as being present while
observing medical staff suddenly going into resuscitation mode-realizing
I still existed and was not afraid (contrary to previous earthly
experience of being young, single mom raising a three year old and
questioning Meaning of existence). I thought, 'This must be who I really
am' when I myself in that state and found that 'I' was an alive
entity/being without a body (and saw that body on the table). I thought,
'They think I'm gone, but I'm really up here.' I was exhilarated,
curious, and wanted to 'see where this would go'.
In all, I
recall four various dimensions, and curiously don't recall the
transitions (in choosing to re-experience this daily in a
meditative/prayer state I want to recall the transitions but have not).
Next, I was moving/flying through space (dark void) at an unbelievably
swift speed aware eventually that I could control speed and direction
with awareness. Became aware there were objects in that dark space
(maybe like stars in the sky?) that were bright in comparison and was
attracted to them. I had the sense of avoiding some and 'steering'
toward others (good and bad?).
Then there was One star of
incredible dimension, brightness, beauty, majesty. As I was drawn toward
it (combined with earnest choice), I could see complex shapes and
colors. (Words don't describe it – I have tried to draw it.) I could see
dimensions where the colors and shapes were overlaid one on another
(like translucent immense precious stones fitted together to form a
complex multi - doesn't describe - dimensional impression of a Most
Loving Being that drew me to Him, invited me in, and pointed the Way to
the Light. ALL wisdom and love was conveyed via unheard thought
transmission from that Being (Jesus?). That light was a yet far distant
point that I immediately (in combination again of will and being drawn)
directly myself to with all earnestness with the conscious goal of
uniting with that light (or perish?). As I approached, the light grew
larger, brighter, compelling until I was suddenly thrust into it (beyond
a sense of boundary) with indescribable speed. That is the only
transition that is recalled.
Now, in the light, for eternity
(seemed like), experience a sense of being 'held,' immersed, fully
bathed, buoyant, ONE WITH THE LIGHT! The light was a golden light,
warmth, and embracing. A state of (words are inaccurate) ALL LOVE,
peace, unity, Wisdom from God, at the center, and innumerable other,
unseen others poured into me to teach and explain to me the immense
divinity of His overall plan from the beginning of time to the future. I
soaked in with the conscious preciousness of gratitude for the unique,
yet ever present for all, experience of knowing the immensity of the
glorious plan. I felt like a 'chosen tutoree' with a privilege to be
present here. I understood, in that experience, why and how God had been
present and ever will be. That the experience on Earth is like a stage
for all the divine beings to observe, cajole, and minister to
individuals on Earth as they choose what they will and direct their own
selves toward God or away (inadequate, incomplete theology to explain).
At
the same time, I could perceive, from their perspective also the
literal view of Earth from there (Heaven?) and even move around the
planet from many, various perspectives while still being There and
continuing to receive transmission. Seemed like an eternity that I
wanted to remain in, yet there was a 'direction' to comprehend and
maintain what I was learning. Eventually, there was a sense of a need to
return and participate in transmitting and sharing this experience.
Actually,
that came in the next dimension (not recall transition) where I was
standing in front of the most beautiful, exquisite, representation of
the English cottage I always conceived in my mind since earliest memory
in childhood of the perfect home. I was outside the gate (picket fence
with curved arbor climbing with roses) - so real. The golden light was
streaming from the windows in the late dusk. I knew God was in the
house. (I can see all the details of the home) I wanted to go in to be
with Him. As I put my hand on the handle to go in, I was told 'If you go
in you cannot come out. You have a little son (then four years old) who
needs you. The people on earth need to know all that you have witnessed
and experience. That their experience is not the totality of existence,
but a crucial part of the overall plan.' Could 'see', understand, that
my fear was an obstacle to coming to know God and His presence, not only
for me, but also for all. That was the overriding message, the root of
all evil in this world, and the foci of their interest, message, to this
world. Then, I experienced the reverse of the initial experience. I
was moving from that wondrous state back in and through the top of my
head.
I became aware that I had a sheet over my whole body and
head, that I was no longer in the surgical suite, and knew that they
thought I was dead. I knew that I had to move, with all effort, finally
did, and saw the surprise on the anesthesiologist's face who was present
with the nurse who I did not see. Later, when roused by the surgeon, he
dramatically questioned, 'Where did you go, I thought I lost you?' The
rest is history. I recovered, chose not to return to work, focused on my
son, behaved in ways that were incongruent with previous experience
that were motivated totally by this experience.
Viva Tapper, PhD and Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner (1954-2015)
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