Finally came to terms with returning to her body

I had not been well for about 1 week. I had extreme abdominal pain and went to the doctor for a noon appointment. I almost cancelled the doctor's appointment as the pain had subsided around 10 a.m. When I got to the doctor's office, I was examined quickly and he ordered an emergency ultrasound. During the ultrasound, they stopped and I was booked into emergency surgery for 12:30 p.m. that day. I was put to sleep in the operating room.

Then all of the sudden, I started floating out of my body. I felt free, peaceful, no pain. I looked down and they were doing compressions on me. I continued to float up and a tunnel appeared. There was a beautiful tunnel with a bright light at the end of it. The light was brighter than the sun but did not hurt my eyes. It was pure white light. I knew that I had died and would be leaving behind a 5-6 month old infant and my husband, but I did not care. I wanted to go into the light. I wanted to go home.

When I came through the light, I knew everyone there and they were so happy to see me: welcoming me home. They were all dead relatives I had never met before, but I knew everyone. They also appeared in human-form, to be recognized, but somehow I sensed that was not their true form now. I had a connection with everyone and almost a collective consciousness.

I do not know how to describe it. There are so many emotions right now recalling it, but before I saw everyone when I came through the light, it felt like a blanket of love was wrapped around me. No feeling here on earth, in the present, can express the love or the feelings. Everything was ‘pure’, the brightest blues, greens, reds, yellows, whites, purples. It was like a filter being removed to see the purity of everything.

I turned and went to the right, where I saw what I believe was God. It was pure energy, but you knew who that was and the great wisdom that was within. God spoke to me stating that the message to bring back was 'love. We all have to live in love.’

The next thing I saw was a meadow in the mountains with indescribable beauty. The sky was the bluest blue; the grass was the greenest green. All colors here are extremely pale compared to there. I saw my grandmother, running with children, towards me. She took me by the hand and we were at the beginning of a bridge over a small creek. We talked for what seemed like hours about my life since she had died. I had just turned 9 years old when she died. We also talked about when she came to let me know that she died, to say goodbye until we would meet again and not to be sad. She was so vibrant and healthy, despite dying of a brain tumor. I told her how much I missed her and she said that she watches over my son and me. She then said something unexpected to me, 'You have to go back, it is not your time, yet.' She also said that a ‘blink of an eye could be 80 years’ in our time but that time was man-made. ‘There is no time here.’ I understood what she meant. I said that I wanted to stay and she said ‘it is not your time’. All of the sudden, I was falling back through the tunnel; the light was getting further away.

All of the sudden, I felt all this pain, excruciating pain from being back in my body. As I was falling back into my body, they were still doing compressions on me. The next thing I knew I woke up in the recovery room; the nurses called to the doctor that I was awake. There was a lot of fussing around me. I was confused and extremely angry that I was back in my body. It took me about 4 years to bring up this event to my husband and then he belittled me stating that I was crazy. I never spoke about it again for about 10 years. By that time I was divorced and getting my life back together. I was still angry about being here but have come to terms with it and the anger is gone. I know I will be going back there when it is my time. 

NDERF.org, #7373

 

In NDE discovered light "threaded" through her life

I was in a car, with my family, on a trip in India, when suddenly there was a commotion. There was a sound of the car going off road, and I could see both my brothers, the one who was sitting in the back and the one in the front, jumping and trying to catch the wheel. The car was tumbling down the mountain.

The circumstances in the car were in the back of my awareness. In the front of my awareness, I heard a masculine, comforting voice say several times slowly, ‘It is all okay’. Part of the meaning of this in Hebrew is, ‘everything is in order’. Surprisingly, I was experiencing absolute peace and I felt no fear. As the car was tumbling down the mountain, turning and bumping against the hard surfaces, the voice calmly said, ‘Roll with it’, as if it was just a movement exercise. Feeling absolute peace, I let myself roll.

The voice came as if from inside of my head but at the same time ‘It’ wasn’t ‘me’. It was very comforting, stable and strong. I did not recognize the voice but I connected to it very deeply, and knew I could trust it with all my heart. As I was ‘rolling’ with every tumble, I suddenly wasn’t in the car anymore. I experienced complete trust. I was surrounded with space, as I saw my whole life unfolding. I was watching millions of the pictures of my life’s events, like a movie broken down into picture frames. All the little deeds, thoughts and moments upon moments, even the ones I forgot ever happened, they were all there. It was such a fascinating sight. The most curious thing was that the pictures were not connected to one another; they had a gap between them that looked like a string of light. It looked like they were threaded upon this string of light.

My main feelings were equanimity, awe and curiosity. There was a strong quality of inquiry and inquisitiveness as I was examining everything. Every time a question came to me, the answer was immediately revealed. This unfolding of pictures and gaps developed and progressed continuously, presenting a constant delicate consequential line, in perfect order, a chain of events, yet somehow they were all happening at once. The past the present and the future were all happening at once. It was inspiring to witness the order and sense that all these little pictures seemed to have in ‘the big picture’.

I felt a lot of compassion. I was all forgiven. In fact, there was nothing to forgive. I could see that my life had ‘perfect order’ to it. In some way it was like watching a mathematical equation, or sum, that makes perfect sense. Such event and such event create this kind of result. It was a simple portrayal of natural cause and effect, with a gentle understanding. There was no judgment, only innocence. As I was watching this linear unfolding of pictures, I realized that just by looking and focusing on a specific picture, ‘zooming in’ on it, I could also ‘enter’ that scene and then come back out of it, ‘zoom out’ and return to my place of observation.

I looked back at my childhood. I could enter pictures there. From each picture, moment or thought, there was always the possibility to access that light that separated between it and the next picture. I could also see all the thoughts I had all my life. Their ‘pictures’ were as strong as the pictures that depicted action or words. I was amazed to see that our thoughts are that strong, so real. It looked as though they were also threaded on a string of light. I realized that everything that happened to me and every single thought I had, created an imprint. Every single event or thought influenced my life and the lives of those around me. Every feeling, every intention, every time I was aware of the light and gap between the pictures, everything counted. As I looked, I felt very peaceful. I could see how the last moment of my life was a result of everything that had ever happened to me, before. I could see my life was a perfect manifestation of just what it was, who I was. There was complete acceptance, even of those moments that I remembered as less pleasant.

My life, all our lives were threaded with this light that filled the gap between each picture. In the moments that we are open to it, we connect with it. It is that simple. It is there always. The last moment or picture of my life was I, rolling down the mountain in a car, with my mother, my brothers and the driver. I was suddenly inside that picture again. I could see how we are all connected. I was connected to everybody in a multi-faceted light web, a DNA-like hologram that was in perfect order. Everything connected to everything with delicate threads of light, which were the gaps between each moment. It showed my connection to other people, other souls, other incidents, moments past future and present. There was complete order and complete acceptance of everything. Then, there were no more pictures, but a strong sense of motion forwards.

I now was continuing onwards, I felt that I was leaping forward. There was nothing around me. There was only space. I tried to understand where I was. I felt very clear in my mind. I also felt happy and light. I was in another realm. Somehow, I was still alive but I didn’t have my body. I know for a fact that I am, that I exist. I sensed that I had left my body. I reflected upon the last picture I saw in my thread of life, of myself inside the car that was rolling down a mountain, and concluded it must have been the last moment of my life in a fatal car accident.

I now realized and understood that there was life after death; I have died and left my body, yet I still exist. I tried to understand where I was. I was in a transition. All I could notice different from before, besides not having a body, was that the air, or the space, was of a slightly different consistency and shade. I reflected on how this whole transition between life and death, is very smooth and calm. It became clear to me that death is the continuation of life, and not the opposite of it. It was on going. I felt vibrant like a child, very curious to see what was next, looking at everything with new eyes.

Next, I felt myself emerging out of a vacuum-like blackness. I had immense speed. I had no body but my spirit had eyes. Around me was a scenery like earth, I thought. There were trees and rocks; we were on a mountainside. I say ‘we’ because after traveling for a while swiftly through this scenery, I could see myself, my body, sitting on the mountain’s edge. I was leaning forward towards the abyss. I joined my body to see what was going on, and found myself looking at this immense light. It was amazing. I recognized the light from meditation experiences I had: moments of insight, spiritual experiences, and strong experiences of unconditional love. Actually, I realized this light was threaded inside every moment of my life and I have always, always known it and had access to it. I felt deep intimacy and powerful love, a great surrender, relief and joy.

From what I have seen, our lives were threaded with this light, which fills the gap between each moment. At each moment, every situation, and every thought: the light is always available to us. If we’re aware that it’s there, we can remind ourselves to call on it: To connect to it. I was now sitting near this light, near the source of it. I had never felt it so strongly. It was everything. Everything I have ever needed everything I need or everything I might ever need in the future. Everything was in this light. It was warm. It had an immense healing and nourishing quality to it. It was pure, immense, powerful unconditional Love. I knew I could trust this light. I was kneeling in front of this light. All I could feel was a great yearning to be part of it. I was aware of being presented with a choice. With gratitude, I decide that I must emerge with this light. I know that I do not want to choose anything different. I smiled a big smile and jumped. For one eternal moment, I was one with it.

The next moment I saw my body lying down on the ground and felt like I was ‘entering’ it. I came back to life. I understood that somehow I’m back in life. I felt quite surprised since I didn't think I made that choice. The first thing I realized was that I cannot breathe. The voice that was with me at the beginning of my experience, came again, and said, ‘contract your diaphragm.’ I did forcefully and that's how I started to breathe. Then I began to feel my senses, there was a terrible taste in my mouth like dirt, and a horrible smell in the air, that was filled with gasoline and smoke.

For the next hour, many interesting things happened. I think that because of the NDE, a different window of perception has suddenly opened in my awareness. It was as if that window took some time to close. For a while, even though I was back ‘here’ in my body, I could get glimpses from that ‘other’ realm. I can in all honesty say that my NDE was the most powerful, insightful and joyous experience I had ever had. 

NDERF.org, # 7153

Survivor has premonition of her accident

Prior to this experience: At age 6, 7 or 8, I was told in a dream that I would have an opportunity to live or die before I was 24 years old. The water skiing accident occurred 3 months and 12 days before my 24th birthday.

I saw the ski boat headed in my direction. I waved my arms and screamed. I knew I would be hit; I said the Our Father prayer as the shadow of the boat overcame me. I remember the impact forced the air from me.

Immediately I was without a body. The best way to describe the experience is that I knew who I was, however, I did not feel pain nor was I afraid. A tremendous white light surrounded me. I felt unbelievable peace, love, harmony, goodness. I knew I was floating, that I did not have a body; I sensed goodness around me then sensed a question asking if I was ready to die. I knew I had mixed feelings. Instantaneously, I saw my grave with my two little children crying standing apart from my husband, their dad. I sensed I could not leave my children; I saw the lake water parting as I was pushed to the surface of the lake.

I saw a clear blue sky and a single white bird then I felt the pain. I made my way to the boat that hit me. A nurse and a doctor were at lakeside. I later learned only a nurse was present when our boat docked; I will swear a doctor was also there; that the doctor applied a pressure bandage to my abdomen. I later learned no doctor was present. Paramedics arriving 15-20 minutes after the accident was called in applied the pressure bandage. I remember the premonition, the accident, and the experience as if each happened just yesterday though 37 years have passed. I experience a degree of premonition limited to events I need to be aware of, prepared for. May 17, 1977 changed my life, the lives of my children in ways too surreal to mention. I feel the accident was a blessing of significant degrees. 

NDERF.org, #7303

Slave song: Michael row the boat . . . home

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Slave Songs of the United States” by Charles Pickard Ware,
Lucy McKim Garrison, and William Francis Allen, 1867.  

 

This version includes the word "home" which is omitted in other recordings.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clPEO5ZfxLk

 

This version includes a video with historical slave and artistic angel images.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hk0B71bzlMw 

He met his deceased grandmas during his NDE

I was a latch-key kid and also the type that hated staying home. I had been sick in bed with pneumonia, for a week. On Friday, my parents were at work. I decided enough was enough and headed off to school. We lived in the country and my school was about a mile away. It was a gray overcast, rainy day. I walked to school in my windbreaker and baseball cap. By the time I got to school, I was soaked to the bone. I slid into class and, after about an hour, I felt really bad. By lunchtime, I decided to leave school to go home. By the time I walked in the door, I was delirious. I walked out of my clothes and fell into bed. I remember coughing and coughing, and feeling so, so sick. I was so cold.

Slowly everything went dark. I heard a roar of what sounded like an engine, and then there was nothing. I remember standing up and seeing my body lying in my bed. I felt very calm. I turned to see my grandmother standing there in her pink dress. I knew it wasn't her as she had passed away only months before. She smiled and held out her hand. I took her hand and the next thing I knew I was flying and moving incredibly fast! There were these beautiful beings all around me. I began to cry.

One of them stopped me abruptly. They all surrounded me; they were lovely and full of love. One reached out and touched my chest. The touch was so warm that it seemed to smile. They talked to me without moving their mouths; I actually can't remember if they had mouths. They took me by the hands and we flew to a golden city that was surreal in color. Another Being approached me who was different and older than the rest. We talked for what seemed like forever. Then the Being placed its hand on my shoulder and BAM!

I was on an escalator in some shopping mall, to which I had never been. I was on the up-escalator. At the top of the escalator, waiting for me, were both of my deceased grandmas dressed in their Sunday best dresses. I remember their words as if this happened yesterday. ’Well, little man, you have quite the journey ahead, but this is not your time’. They began to tell me things that would happen in my life, like the woman I would eventually meet, fall in love with, and marry. They showed me the death of my cousin, and told me I must return to my body. Before I left, they said I would live a long and prosperous life, and then BOOM!

I felt pain; I heard the sound of a thousand freight trains. I opened my eyes to see our next-door neighbor who was a nurse. She was on the floor bent over me, with eyes full of tears. She started crying. I was very confused and embarrassed that I was lying there in only my underwear. 'Are you okay?' I asked. She smiled and hugged me. Her husband came rushing into the room. He looked gray and older. About five minutes later, a fire truck and an ambulance arrived. My mom and dad came home a short time after that.

I found out later that the school had called my mom and asked why I went home. She told them that I wasn't at school and that I was home sick still. She then called home and after I didn't answer she called the neighbor to check on me. When the neighbor came over, she found me. I was not breathing and did not have a heartbeat. She screamed for her husband and then started CPR (Cardio-Pulmonary Resuscitation). She said she worked on me for 10 minutes and was about to stop when I awoke. 

NDERF.org, # 7511

 

"Communication was non-verbal and instantious."

I had been ill with chest pain, fever, headache, night sweats for about a week, but had not missed work, and I was on-call. I finished rounds and went to the Urgent Care clinic. The chest x-ray showed suspicious nodule in my lungs. A CT scan of my chest resulted in my being flown to a cardio-vascular intensive care unit after being diagnosed with a dissecting aortic aneurysm. After arrival at the tertiary care center, a regular echocardiogram did not support the diagnosis of an aortic aneurysm.

The CT also showed hilar lymph nodes and a peripheral pulmonary nodule, but this was not the primary concern at the time. [Editor’s Notes: Hilar lymph nodes are located in the region of the junction of each lung and its bronchi. Peripheral pulmonary nodule is a common disease of the lung, which can be benign or malignant.]

I was sedated due to erratic Blood Pressure and went to the operating room with plans for cardiothoracic surgery and was prepped for a heart bypass and intubated. They then did a trans-esophageal echocardiogram, which also did not confirm an aneurysm, so the surgery was, thankfully, cancelled. The next morning, I woke up with a very sore throat and an arterial line in my left wrist. There was still some doubt as to whether the aneurysm was present, so they ordered another heart test.

It was on the way to this procedure that the NDE occurred. I was chatting with my nurse, who was pushing me down a long underground empty tunnel in a wheelchair. As we approached an elevator, I realized that I was losing my vision. It worsened and I mentioned it to my nurse. She asked if we needed to return to the intensive care unit. I told her, ‘I think so,’ as I could no longer see and was losing my hearing. I tried to put my head down, but was about to fall out of the wheelchair when she yanked me upright. That is the last thing that I recall.

At this point, I had been off the blood pressure-lowering drip for at least an hour, and the last morphine injection. I had a bad headache that morning with the injection about 2 hours prior. I don't recall feeling sedated and did not have a fever at the time.

My next recollection is being in a vast, seemingly endless, space filled with brilliant white light. I recall no limits on perception, no binocular vision, but panoramic/ spherical/360 degrees: hard to describe. I spent what seemed like a long time, certainly not minutes, hours, or days; more like weeks, months, or eons. Time was meaningless. I was with a group of beings that I felt I had known for a very long time. It seemed like more than 12 minutes and less than 25 minutes.

I have a vague recollection of having my Earthly experiences ‘downloaded’, and having a great reunion with these beings, with a great period of relaxation and recuperation. Communication was non-verbal and instantaneous. It involved relaying entire occurrences, concepts, and events with associated emotions, not just words and sentences. Eventually a consensus was reached that I should return to the life I had left, as it was unfinished.

I don't recall how I appeared, but I do recall how the other beings appeared as I departed from them. They were like brilliant jewel bright points of scintillating light. Only two colors, though: emerald green and deep purple. I thought, 'this is weird, why not all colors?' I recall them receding into the distance.

The next memory is being a point of consciousness hovering. I don't recall any sound. I was back to having binocular vision; my entire field of vision was taken up by, what I eventually realized, was a ‘face’. I recall pondering the significance of this ‘thing’, and eventually realized it was a being. I recall feeling pity for ‘it’ and perceiving it as child-like. I watched a little longer and suddenly had the realization that the eyes of the thing were ‘green’ and they looked familiar. I then felt a sense of compassion as I recognized it was suffering. I recall the eyes staring and mouth being open. (I seem to recall an oxygen mask, but not real certain about that).

With the feeling of compassion, came an instantaneous sense of connection and I was suddenly wrenched back into the body and the memory of who ‘I’ was and the circumstances of where I was returned. It was a very rapid transition. I could hear again, and could hear the medical staff yelling orders. I was drenched in sweat and felt awful and very weak and hurt all over. Later, I learned that I had had seizure activity.

I recall a bald-headed man leaning over me. Someone else to my right yelled ‘do you have epilepsy’ and I turned my head and told them ‘no’. Someone on my left was fumbling under my gown trying to put on defibrillator pads, and then asked ‘should I take them off’. Someone else said ‘No, we may lose her again’. At some point, I recall starting to cry and asking them ‘why did you bring me back to this place. It was so nice there. Everyone was so nice and loved each other. It was so beautiful. Why did you have to bring me back here?’ Those nearby seemed to hear me and seemed shocked, but remained professional, as I recall. I was quiet for a while processing what I remembered of the experience while they worked. I recall eventually asking them not to tell my husband that I didn't want to come back. I'm quite sure they thought I was an ungrateful lunatic, but they were relieved I was alive.

The rest I pieced together by asking a lot of questions and my nurse confirmed that my heart had stopped briefly (cardiac arrest) after developing hypotension (systolic to 30) and bradycardia. She also told me about the seizure. Another nurse told me that ‘my’ nurse was one of the most experienced CVICU nurses there. She went home early and I never saw her again to thank her. I was told that she was pretty shaken up. Mostly, no one wanted to talk about it. They eventually chalked it up to the effects of prolonged ‘vasovagal response’ resulting in bradycardia (decreased heart rate) and eventual brief cardiac arrest. [Editor’s Note: Vasovagal response is a rapid drop in the heart rate and blood pressure resulting in loss of consciousness.]

Apparently, when the nurse ran back to the intensive care unit, she had her chin holding me into the wheelchair while I was having a seizure. Folks came out of the unit to meet her when the telemetry showed the blood pressure and heart rate drop. Several doctors and nurses picked me up and ‘threw’ me onto a bed. This resulted in a return of spontaneous circulation, apparently. I remained in the intensive care unit for several more days, had the heart test, and was told my heart and cardiovascular system was in perfect shape. I was still having erratic heart rate and blood pressure issues, so I was sent to a cardiac step-down unit for about four more days. I underwent a pulmonary work-up for bronchoscopy and CT guided biopsy of the chest for the other lung related issues. There were some arrhythmias, but no further major issues. Presumptive diagnosis of Sarcoidosis, but not fully confirmed. [Editor’s note: Sarcoidosis is an inflammatory disease that can affect multiple organs, but mostly the lymph nodes and lungs.] Sarcoidosis can also affect the heart conduction system. 

NDERF.org, # 7054

"I recall hearing gently softly-spoken words."

I cannot recall getting sick with pneumonia, the 911 response, emergency room visit, seven days in the Medical Intensive Care Unit at a major University, nor nine days of that time not being in the 'physical world'.

The 'journey' seemed to last for days, but perhaps it was only minutes or hours. I found myself going through a tunnel, almost floating or swimming through this tunnel. I found myself in a dark space, yet there were bright primary colors seeming to form letters that I cannot recall. This space felt 'hard,' like work. I felt tired. It seemed chaotic and loud. The space was unpleasant and I remember disliking it. I then slipped through what seemed like the same tunnel and I arrived in a tunnel-like space with a soft white and somewhat golden or shimmering light. As I was moved toward the light, I was not aware of my physical body. I recall a tremendous feeling of peace, calm, quiet, beauty, and a simply 'letting go' of 'tension' for lack of a better word. I remember thinking that I preferred this space over the chaotic space. I was happy. I was moving, without any effort on my part, toward the soft glow. I continued feeling the most incredible peace, accompanied by a gentleness and softness. I recall feeling eager to reach the light. yet did not feel rushed. I was getting closer.

I then noticed a very soft, yet worn-looking, flow and fold of a light blue and gold robe. I could only see the legs of the person wearing the robe. I knew He was God. I wanted to see His face as I moved closer, but I did not. During my travel toward the light, I recall hearing gently softly-spoken words. I somehow knew that I needed to remember the words. I recall feeling slight frustration that I was having difficulty remembering the words, but after a while, I had 'memorized' them and recall feeling relieved. The words I was told to memorize were: 'Seek not to understand so that you may believe, but seek to believe so that you may understand.' I then felt myself being pulled back and away from the light. I did not want to go and recall feeling sad. I tried to fight being pulling back. Yet, I continued moving backward.

I somehow found myself turned away from the light and knew that I had to quickly take one last look back; it felt so important, and I knew there was not much time. I quickly turned my head over my shoulder and saw the soft glow and flowing 'robe' one last time. And there, walking into the light was my beloved soulmate; my precious little teacup poodle Coco. He had passed about a year before this experience, and I have missed him terribly. I only saw his back end as he entered the soft light. I remember smiling to myself, feeling tremendous relief that I saw him and that he was o.k.

I was and am still happy that I remembered the words, yet I am confused. I did some research later and learned that these words were from the poet Pablo. I had NEVER heard these words NOR did I know anything about Pablo. Truly. I have gone over and over in my mind to try to remember hearing these words prior to this experience, but I believe they were new to me. Yet, as I think about it now, I was learning about so many different faiths before this experience, trying to understand, and trying to believe. The words simply told me to BELIEVE. I find that comforting.

I heard another message when I was close to the soft light, 'There is something important you must do.' It seems I heard this over and over. I have no idea what the 'important' thing is at present but am trying to BELIEVE that it will be shown to me. I feel transformed. Things just don't seem to be that important here on Earth. I'm calmer. I'm not trying to 'figure it all out'. I'm just taking one day at a time. I miss that 'oh so comforting' peace I felt on my journey; and, frankly, I am sad about being pulled back. However, I now believe there is a place to which I'll return one day, and that brings a smile to my face. 

NDERF.org, #7839