Experience of the Great Presence

I miscarried the baby in the hospital and though I was very sad about the event, I felt that all was meant to be. As if I've never wanted to name the Divine as I would like to refer to Him as: The Great Presence.

Two nurses came to take me up a few stairs to for an internal exam. As we went up I felt myself begin to reel backwards and off I went round and round through space. I stopped spinning and began flying past planets and stars, I flew through the rings of Saturn seeing massive rocks and dust particles right before my eyes, I was marveling at the astounding beauty and laughing about how no one on Earth would believe my experience. It all felt so wonderful, so exactly perfect, I was an astronaut, a fabulous free spirit of joy! I was filled with indescribable joy and love for all of creation from the vastness of space to the smallest of all nano-expressions!

Then suddenly I was above my body, which lay on a stretcher, wearing a white hospital gown, I looked at my body and knew it wasn't the real me, it was the thing I had been caught inside, and now I was free! Oh and how I felt such happiness! The joy was all-pervading, it was the real world, pain, suffering, loss, and all illusionary experience that we like to get all knotted up about. Everything was becoming clear to me. Oh and the nurses were calling my name, one was crying tears, another was saying ''oh my God, we've lost her!’ meanwhile I was above them thinking ‘what silly Billy’s, they were making all that fuss, wondering why they couldn't see me and just know that all was perfectly fabulous!’ Then I saw a window, which was open about 6 inches wide, and I thought, 'Wow, I wonder if I can fit through there’, then instantly I was in another state.

I was flying through Goldenness: pure, serene, and delightful Goldenness. Oh, wow! I was held by this serenity for the longest time, I couldn't do anything except be with It and It with me. It was inside me. It was me. It was in and with everyone and everything. It had always been in and with everything. It was and is Truth, Love, Compassion, Joy, and All. This Goldenness held all information. It was the One Mind. It contained the creation of all of everything ever created. I felt, I experienced everything that has ever been and ever shall be. All is simultaneously occurring. There is no past or future. It all just IS.

There is no way to describe the immaculate beauty of this experience, though every day for the last 35 years I wish I could find a way. Bliss, is a mere descriptive word, yet does not give to you what I wish I could, but yes ‘bliss’ is close, in a way. I saw and experienced every single detail of my present life up to that moment, like watching a movie yet starring as the main character simultaneously. This made me feel quite sad, as I had not lived my life in a state of serene joy, and felt ashamed.

Ashamed that I had not realized how imperative it is for one to be incredibly happy in this life, no matter the circumstances. The pain, the fear: no matter what! All our material conflicts of body and mind are quite unimportant in the state of ultimate freedom and blissful awareness to which we shall all return. I felt I had been unfaithful to The Great Presence, who like a divinely loving Mother, who I had let down. I was my own judge. Yet I was this love simultaneously. I saw how all of Humanity has walked with eyes cast low to the Earth, not opening wide to the beauty of the one loving presence of Golden peace. This peace is one in which we truly live, yet do not see. I saw how sadness overcomes those who cannot forgive themselves or others; and on their day of an awakened mind, they too shall be ashamed and slowly sink to a lower experience.

I saw how in being uplifted we could all ascend to the true joy together as a loving family of Beings beyond a human life in mundane-ness. I saw how there is a level of fear so ingrained in some, it's hard to look at, and yet they too, can find a way through to peacefulness. I saw how things will change, yet only after massive suffering and yet I saw, too, that it is possible to end suffering. I saw that I had a purpose and that all beings have purpose. I saw we are not separate; we are the entire One. I saw that we must have all the courage possible to achieve this fabulous unity. It is highly possible.

I felt and experienced all of creation as an Omni-experience, there was no time involved at any level. I saw it is so simple it cannot be expressed; it is best to let the mind be still and then it may occur of itself. It was such a feeling of raised joy I was in. In the distance, a Great Presence appeared which is the most Ultimate of Holiness emanating extraordinary Brilliance! This Great Presence is the Heart of all of everything: we are but foolish children! I put my arms out to try to fly and saw that there were rainbows of colors: I was a rainbow being. I was made of light and color: I was overjoyed! I thought I can fly to the Great Presence before me and unite with the purity of all that is, was, and ever shall be. That was my heart’s desire, to be at one with the Great Presence which 'they' call God, and yet I dare not announce a name to that which is beyond naming.

I begin to fly and move closer to that beauteous sight and begin to feel the Great Presence pervade my very core, as if my entirety is exploding into love. Then a great powerful voice, which seems to echo in all directions and vibrates through to my very soul, declares: ‘It is not your time’, whereupon I feel such sorrow and in my mind, I am saying ‘No, no, no. Please don't make me go back’, for I do not want to return to this Earth, ever again. I awake in the hospital bed two days later and cry in heartache that I am here on Earth again. I have never felt at home here on earth. I have been alone with this and many other amazing and profound experiences for which I struggle to find anyone to which I can connect.

I do hope my experience is of some help, and I wish I could re-write it so I don't leave anything out, but I am afraid that would take a long time as there is too much to explain here. But since then I have been living as if in a double life, for no one would believe me if I told them everything I have seen. 

NDERF.ORG, #6992

I met my grandfather in the Light

I was visiting a friend with Muscular Dystrophy, in Lake Tahoe. Barney was in a wheelchair, accompanied by his brother and friends. I had met Barney a short time before at a camp where I had been living. Barney had called me and invited me up to visit with him and his brothers in Lake Tahoe. I said ‘yes’ and booked a flight. After a couple of days, things were getting a little boring and I needed some outside time. Barney was not able to get around, so the time was spent mostly inside.

His brothers had been playing outside and invited me to come join them. They had tied a rope around the bumper of a car and were pulling their friend in a snow saucer across the snow-covered road. Laughing and giggling, they were having a great time. All of a sudden, the young boy they were pulling went out of control. As I was watching, I was horrified and immediately made a declaration into the Universe: ‘Oh God, don't let that happen to him. I know he won't survive the accident!’ He was heading for a parked car and I knew it wasn't going to be good. At that moment, he rolled over, bruised his shoulder, got up and walked away.

The following day I found myself doing exactly the same thing. It was in the late afternoon and Barney’s brothers asked me if I wanted a go at it. Not thinking about what had almost happened the day before, I said ‘Sure.’ I sat down crossed legged in the snow saucer and held onto the rope. The boys piled in the car and began to pull me through the snow. As I was being towed I said ‘Go faster!’ and at that moment a voice came in my head and said, ‘We’ll show you where 'Go faster' gets you.’ The boys turned off to the right and I swung out to the left, towards a parked car! I was moving at a rate of approximately 30 mph. A voice came in my head and said ‘You better turn your head or you will hit the car face on.’ So I turned my head and took the impact to left side of my head. ‘Oh my God, we killed Barney’s girlfriend! What are we going to tell him?’

I left my body and went into an aura of all white light! It was totally warm and Peaceful, pure Love emanating through me and around me. At that moment, my Grandfather, who had passed away earlier that year, appeared to me and we embraced. ‘My darling, you have a decision to make.’ I knew the decision was to stay or to come back.

At that moment, I had an opportunity to view my life. Everything seemed whole and complete, I knew my dog and cat would be taken care of, and I was pretty much willing to go, but I had some questions to be answered. I asked if there would be anything wrong with me if I chose to come back. A voice answered ‘No. The only thing that would show would be the scar of the tracheotomy.’ ‘Would I remember this dream?’ The voice came back, ‘Yes and if anyone would ask you about the scar, it would be an opportunity to share your experience.’ ‘If I chose to stay, what would be the cause of death?’ ‘It will show that your spinal cord had been severed.’ ‘If I stay, what will become of me?’ ‘You become the Light.’

At that moment a Highway Patrol man showed up by my side. My brother was in the Highway Patrol so I immediately recognized the uniform and came back into my body. I told him ‘I am having this incredible dream!’ He said, ‘No, you hit the car.’ I wanted to tell him about this out of body experience I was having but he brought it back down to a physical level. With that, I wasn't interested and went back out of my body. Soon the ambulance showed up, rolled me over, put me inside the ambulance, and rushed me off to the hospital.

On the way, I remember sitting up, out of my body and looking out the ambulance window. I remember remarking to myself ‘Oh, there is Lake Tahoe, and I have a ticket to fly.’ So once again, I was out of my body looking over Lake Tahoe from above. The ambulance pulled into the hospital, wheeled my body into the emergency room and I remember them asking about emergency contact numbers. I came back into my body and tried to give them the phone number of my mom, but I then started throwing up. There was blood and yuck and grossness all over me and I didn't want to hang around for that. So once again, back out I went.

When I finally came back into my body, I was sitting up in my body on the operating table. I was looking over my left shoulder, watching the doctors do the tracheotomy. When they finished, I lay back down in my body and resumed my life.

Now getting back to the point as to when I made my decision to come back. In the beginning, I met my grandfather in the Light. When the voice in the Light was talking to me, it seemed like it was coming from above. The voice was neither female nor male. When I was having the question answer period, it was as if my Grandfather had left. I remember there was a period of time that I was left alone, in this beautiful white marble surrounding, which I later described as a Maxfield Parrish painting.

Later I came to learn that my mother had a dream that night. My grandfather had come to her in a dream. He told her ‘Lauren is dead.’ My mother then said ‘No, you will not have her. She was only your granddaughter and you will not take her from me.’ She then became physically violent with him and then he left. That was her dream she shared with me, later on in the hospital. Simultaneously to my mother’s dream I remembered being in the Light and acknowledging the space, saying ‘that the gift I am being given is to stay, but I can't accept the gift right now, because my mother will grieve greatly for my loss.’ I saw that every time she fell into depression, she would sink deeper, because of my death. The voice came back and said, ‘So shall it be and what you shall receive is a blessing.’ At that moment, I knew I was going to survive the accident. Nobody else knew I was going to live, but I did.

I think that is why I was having so much fun coming in and out of my body. I was in the intensive care unit for several days in order to stabilize my body. I then had 9 hours of reconstructive surgery to wire my face back together. I remained in the hospital for several days after surgery, I was then able to fly back home. Six weeks later I was on vacation, in Mexico, with my mom. I was known in the hospital as a miracle case. I came back, full of Joy, making people laugh doing the IV Disco down the halls and making obscene calls to respiratory therapy, holding the phone up to my tracheotomy and breathing heavily! 

NDERF.org, #7116

NDE: Wave after wave of pure love

1994 Arizona: I had gone in for a common routine surgery. I am not sure what happened during the surgery as I was knocked out, all I know is suddenly I was running in a grassy field toward a giant sun. I remembered looking down at my legs and they were short to the ground, I was a child again. There was another child holding my hand and running beside me. It was a little blonde hair boy with blue eyes.

The most amazing part was a pure feeling of the most intense love I can barely describe. It was just wave after wave of pure love. It was within me, it was around me, it was EVERYTHING. It felt like heartbeats of love, one wave of love after another. Yet there was love in the interim as well, then the wave would come with even more and more. It was endless, eternal and complete. I had no fear whatsoever, I had no feeling other than LOVE. I had no thought other than reaching the LIGHT. I felt pure happiness and joy. It was the most beautiful feeling that words could never even come close to describing. The closest thing I can think of to relate it to on this earth would be the moment I brought my child into this world. That moment of pure unconditional love that I'm sure most mothers and some fathers have felt. Still that is only but a very small fraction of what I am trying to explain. Words seem so small and insignificant in comparison to the experience.

So I am running towards this massive sun experiencing total acceptance and love. I knew that nothing earthly mattered anymore and I had this complete sense of peace about everything that I had ever done. I just wanted to keep running toward the light. Then suddenly I heard my name being called from behind me.

I stopped and paused for a moment and I knew I had a choice. To keep going forward or to go back. I never remembered making that choice however. The next thing I remembered were doctors standing over me frantically repeating, “NICHOLE, Stay with us Nichole” and then the pain came. The pain in my body was so intense I could barely stand it. I now believe that they must have cut off my 'sthetics completely at that point and were frantically trying to sew me back up quickly. I have never experienced physical pain like that again thank God. I felt like my body was in a vice and they were squeezing it tighter and tighter.

I do remember laying there saying aloud over and over, "NO, LET ME GO BACK! WANT TO GO BACK!" with tears streaming down my face. I was so upset and I felt for the longest time that I never got to make the choice, that the doctors did it for me and I was so MAD at them.

I think I spent many years depressed and angry because I believed that they robbed me of my graduation date from this planet. I truly believed for so long that I was meant to leave on that day. I couldn’t understand why I would be given a glimpse of something so beautiful only to have to return to such pain. Pain in that moment and pain in the disillusionment of the world in general. I was only 25 at the time but I believed I was done here and that I belonged where the LOVE is. I have always been a tender heart and the violence and greed on this planet seem so foreign to me and ridiculously unnecessary. After this experience it was damn near unbearable for me to witness it for a long time.

It’s taken me 20 years to realize that I did indeed make the choice to stay. I know if I had chose to leave no doctor could have prevented that. I believe I was given a glimpse so that I could carry on KNOWING what we are truly made of. To reinforce my conviction in The Power of LOVE and knowing that it's all there really is and all that really matters. I think I was given this blessing so I could share it with others. I have read other stories so similar to my own, with slight variations in the visual experience, I'm sure due to our own life paths but the feeling of LOVE seems to be the common theme. A Return to Love is no cliché, it is truly LOVE we are made of. It is where we came from and where we will return when we are done with this body. I know we come here to anchor this love in this place, to increase this LOVE, to remember what we are is LOVE, but why I can not presume to say.

Today, I work so hard to raise the awareness of how powerful collective LOVE is. It’s what the entire universe is made of. We can call it anything we want, like God, Allah, Jesus, or Mohammad. But, the name is all the same under the word LOVE. Now I try to help others to Just BE LOVE. My daily mantra is "I LOVE therefore I AM." I am looking forward to my final return to love but in the meantime I hope to share the love I touched for a moment there with the people I love here. 

NDERF.org, #7417

 

Slave song: "I want to Go Home"

 

“Slave Songs of the United States” by Charles Pickard Ware,
Lucy McKim Garrison, and William Francis Allen, 1867. 

Experience of deceased relatives, perfect freedom

The gush of blood that all of a sudden turned into an endless river, soon turned into a sudden process of feeling very, very cold. I felt I was freezing, as if life itself was leaving me. I was shivering uncontrollably on a surgical bed and the very dedicated doctors and nurses were trying their best to cover me with blankets, and to keep talking to me. My doctor had left after a long-lasting, difficult labor. She'd seen my son born. She'd seen me smile and feed him. She'd left the staff with instructions to check and see whether I'd be okay, considering there was no usual bleeding during the labor, just the placenta and the baby.

I heard them calling her and asking her to return. I had squeezed my eyes to the point of utter pain from the ‘freezing’ that had overtaken every single limb, which I was sensing in such detail during those minutes. All of a sudden, I could only think of God and felt an urge to go, to let go. Then slightly opening my eyes, the last thing I whispered to the nurse, while grabbing the cross hanging from her neck, which was lying on my chest, ‘Do you believe in God?’ She was engaged in saving me, but that second, she turned to me, removed the necklace and placed it inside my hand.

That's when I started floating. I barely glanced at the over packed surgery room, emergency bells were ringing for my doctor. I saw her looking at my body and talking to it as I was hovering above, happy, healthy, excited. Before I knew it, I was sucked like from if by a vacuum cleaner, into this wonderful pool of light. Even today, that pool is the most beautiful, most perfect thing I've ever experienced. For lack of a truly better word, I can't describe it as anything else but ‘thing.’ Yet, the one word I'd address to the entire experience/journey would be ‘REALITY’. THAT pool, THAT place, THAT event was the most REAL thing that's ever happened to me.

On that background, the life I'd been living on planet Earth was an insignificant second of an experiment, which I'd volunteered for. The ME; I wasn't Anna the lady who'd just given birth; but it was a light being: ‘LIGHT’ in every sense. I was made of the same light as the one with which the pool was filled. I sensed everything, felt everything beautiful as there can ever be. I thought and understood everything and was floating around inside the pool happily, ‘FINALLY back HOME!!’ ‘LIGHT’ as in lightness, no gravity, no strings attached. I was s-o-o-o happy that I wouldn't have to sleep, or eat anymore, no tiredness, no negativity, no anxieties whatsoever, and you float and float lightly, dancing and singing with no audiovisuals, you're just BEING, that's what you're for: TO BE!

I did have a brusque memory of my husband and children, of our house and friends and relatives. I absolutely KNEW (don't know how, but I sensed perfectly well that I simply KNEW) that they'll be perfectly well, whether I'm with them or not. Next, I was supported by light pool-waves that felt so gentle and caressing, like a mother's touch and a mother's love.

I floated onward into a space that was endless and was neither too bright, nor too dark. It was a place, though, without limits. Then I saw seven and some more sheds of lights/light beings moving towards me. We didn't have speech. We conversed, yet not a single vocal word was uttered. The very central being was my deceased mother-in-law who told me they'd be keeping me company, for I was to return in a while.

Her thought came into my being and I could feel and see things through her mind and sense exactly how she meant it. I ‘told’ her, ‘I would so love for you to be with us and play with your grandchildren’. She ‘answered’, ‘Don’t you worry at all! Before this child was born, we went together to all the gardens and lovely forests and we laughed, played, and sang together. Besides, now that I'm here I can protect you much stronger than if I was there, weak and ill.’

My aunt, father-in-law, and grandmothers were all there. Yet, the remaining ones weren't relatives I'd known from earth. They were light beings I've known before being born into the Earth. They guided me to a ‘library.’ I place this word inside quotation marks because it was a multidimensional composition: I cannot even call it a structure. Apparently, I had a ‘job’ up there and had left it ‘briefly’ when coming to Earth because I'd needed to experience certain things and learn certain things in order to be able to continue my work. There were stair-like features, which we could move by the will of our minds.

By the way, everything I'd learned: languages, subjects, nature observations, while being on Earth, were absolutely useful up there.

I had then floated onto my unfinished manuscript that looked like some form of tablet except it would only appear by my mind's command. It had data from way before, but since I already knew it, I didn't even look back. I simply stared at it. Out of where my forehead is placed now that I'm human again, appeared these strange characters/letters, round and perfect, a language I'd known seemingly eternally. By sheer thinking of these thoughts, these characters stamped themselves onto the manuscript. I cannot call these characters ‘language’ as we know it. One doesn't need to speak it or write it. It's simply a thought process. However, these thoughts I'd inserted into the manuscript had and served a great purpose, which as a Light Being I knew.

However, back in my human body, I don't have a clue, as if there was a veil administered upon my return.

There were many other light beings conducting similar work, and yet I knew that not every soul or light being is given such a task. Ours was a team destined to do this. Others were destined for other ‘work’. Time and space had no physicality, no validity. I'd call the whole thing as FREEDOM, the PERFECT FREEDOM, which every person, I know, aspires to, fights for, and dreams. The one thing I understood was that Aramaic and Armenian heritages hadn't happened to me just this one Earth lifetime, but several other times as well. It was as if I was in charge of moving this lineage of light beings. However, no notions of nationality, or races or gender, or political choices, or kings, or cultures held valid up there.

Everything was filled with love and knowledge. Then, I raised my head off the ‘library’ as if by someone's gentle calling of my name; someone was telling me ‘Anna, I need for you to go back’. That moment I felt a piercing, earth-like sadness. I found myself far from the pool and the library, but looking at the Planet earth from the space/cosmos. A light being had risen next to me pointing at the Planet and a voice asking me ‘Look there (the planet)! What do you see?’ I said, ‘I see Planet earth and I don't want to go back. This is my home, why are you sending me back there?’ He soothingly calmed me. It was all sensory, no touches, and no words.

Then he asked again, with such a divine voice, an actual, physical voice, ‘Look again. What do you see NOW?’ Suddenly, I saw what the voice saw, ‘I see our planet and there are no borders dividing countries. The borders are gone!!’ He said, ‘This is why you're going back. You have a mission.’ That's how I came back.

I had a very difficult time afterwards, trying to adjust. I was an avid reader before, but became even hungrier for knowledge, absorbing lots of information the entire time. I became more conscious of the environment, of clean air, clean water, world hunger, wars and poverty. I grew such levels of empathy that at times it's hard not to feel the pain of another human being. I kept talking to representatives of various religions and they hadn't much to say. The closest to explaining things I saw, perhaps, were most parts from the Vedas. [Editor’s Note: The Vedas are the primary texts of Hinduism.]

I've been having out of body experiences, very sudden, usually at night, more frequent and intense than ever before. I do have certain extrasensory moments; however, I avoid working on them, or rather do not wish to get too deep into them. I do, at times, get nostalgic trying to figure out what ‘the mission’ was. But overall, it was the best thing I've ever experienced in my life here on earth.

NDEFR.org, #7433

 

Boy sees deceased grandma while in ambulance

In 1963 I was hit by a car while riding my bike. My body flew 40 feet from the site of impact. I was left with an open compound fracture to my left Fibula and Tibia and a broken left knee. I do not remember the accident but I do remember watching myself being loaded into the ambulance. It was the old fashion kind, like a hearse-looking vehicle where the one back door opens all the way. My next thought was one of floating through white clouds. There was no sky, no ground, no trees and no animals.

I was floating toward an open gate where the light coming from beyond the gate was brighter than the sun but soft enough that you could look at it. I saw a long line of people 4 or 5 abreast going into the gate. As I approached the gate, I was greeted by my grandmother and what I knew to be her sister although we had never met. My grandmother told me to go back, it wasn't my time but I still approached her. After much meditation on the experience as to whether there were arms and legs, I remembered, my grandmother's sister raised her arm out of the mist and pointed and said 'look'. As I turned and looked, I saw an ambulance going down the road about to go under an over pass. As I turned back to my grandmother, I opened my eyes and I was back in the ambulance and we were going under that over pass.

The next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital. I had a cast on my left leg from my toes to my hip. The first thing I said to my mother who was rubbing my temples when I woke up was, 'I saw grandma', SSSHHHHH she said, we will talk about that later. Well later never came and my young mind soon forgot about it. Over the years, I have wondered if it was even real. I wish my mom would have talked to me about it. But even more than that, I wish that I was able to go through the gate to see the other side. Are there trees and animals in heaven? I do not know but I do know that I experienced something beyond this life. Although the thoughts are very vivid, my mind still has trouble accepting the fact that it happened. 

NDERF.org, #9227

Boy communicates by telelpathy to get help

My family was on a trip to visit friends in Carolina. I was nine at the time and my kid sister was four. Our friends lived in an older house that was being remodeled. Being the sort of child who loved to go exploring, I found an upstairs closet with a large hole in the floor that seemingly led to a secret room. I tried to climb down through the hole, slipped, and became stuck. My weight was pressing down on my diaphragm and my arms were pinned.

I felt only a brief moment of panic and then very calmly and matter-of-factly passed out. As I passed out, I exited my body and found myself floating in the center of the room. I was aware of the entire room, my stuck body, and the surroundings within and without the house. I was also aware of a sort of shimmering fog that surrounded the area and that was growing more distinct and substantial by the moment.

While I felt very calm and very peaceful, I was also aware of a sense of very real urgency in that, if I did not get help soon I would not be able to get back.

I was aware of my sister playing outside in the yard with our friends and I moved out through the second story window and down into yard. I positioned myself just inches from my sister's face. I knew that I could not make any sound, and though I could hear my sister's thoughts, I could feel a resistance like a heavy wool blanket between us preventing me from communicating with her.

Somehow, I knew to focus my attention in the mental equivalent of a shout in the hope that it would pierce that resistance. I directed all of my thought toward her in a yell for help. She suddenly ran toward the house.

I returned to body and found my sister leading the adults into the room. They pulled me from the hole and I started breathing again. 

NDERF.org, #6802