"I had been searching for this my whole life."

First, I saw black.

I was no longer connected to my body. This was not like an OBE where one would see oneself from above. This was my awareness, my soul - my essence completely checking out of the physical vehicle. Now imagine having your eyes closed, yet having no feeling in the rest of your body while feeling completely whole all the while. That is where I was at. It was like this for some incalculable amount of time that felt like an eternity and a split second all at once.

Second, I saw white.

It was a blinding light. It came at me from a distance as a pin point, and then grew to engulf my entire field of 'vision' (or, better yet, field of awareness). The effect was like that of going down a rabbit hole with a light at the bottom. As the white fully encased my vision, I felt a quickening sensation. One might describe this as flying, but it didn't feel quite like that. It felt more like being flung, without any choice, full speed into infinity. When the white had completely consumed me the feeling of inertia ceased. I felt a peaceful stillness and suddenly all was black again.

Next, I saw a rainbow.

I saw an enormous rainbow, the kind you would see in a children's book. I would describe it as a road, or a bridge. It was not an arc like you would usually picture one to be. At first it was far away, surrounded by blackness. As I slowly approached, it got larger. I felt incredibly attracted to it, almost like I knew I needed to get to it. I felt in all of my being 'The answer lies over the rainbow'. I was distinctly urged by another entity that I could not see, hear, or name, only feel, to 'Go over'. I felt resistance, but I wanted to go so bad. I kept pushing, mentally, to get closer to it. I struggled but slowly it was so close all of the colors filled my entire vision, except for a sliver of black at the top. Everything slowed down to what I can only describe as bullet speed, until I reached the climax. Really.

The Climax.

As I reached the blackness to 'over', everything became incredibly fast. It is hard for me to explain how much happened in this moment, when nothing really happened. It was blackness and the rainbow dropped away. Simultaneously I was filled with a soul shaking ecstasy that vibrated through my entire being. It was as if every cell in my essence had experienced, for lack of a better word, an orgasm. I felt as though I had broken through to this other side. I was experiencing some sort of free fall during all of this. However, it is hard to pinpoint any direction that I was travelling in because, well, there was no direction. It is hard for me to imagine now, even after experiencing it personally, how it could be that one would FEEL so much, yet only have awareness mentally with no physical. From this alone, I can assure you that after death you will feel completely as you do now, whole, even without a body.

Next, the Sea.

Slowly - one, then two, then four, and on, stars lit up in my vision. They were far away and very tiny. They twinkled white at first, and then as they grew in number and I felt I was getting closer there were colors. Colors I have never seen, colors I love, colors I am familiar with. At first, it was like looking at the sky, but as I became one with this sea it was more like a translucent river of stars and colors. They would breathe and undulate and seemed to be as one. They all interacted together like an ocean, with a tide, with waves - rising and falling lazily in space. I became aware of my place among them, floated and relaxed. The most important thing in this place was the feeling of bliss. I can only describe it as the feeling that comes right after climax, that unique relief and relaxation where nothing in the world matters. The only thing different about this was the feeling never waned. It stayed constant. It was the feeling of falling asleep on a summer's day on a hammock in the light of a warm sun. It was the feeling of drawing your child close to you out of love. It was the feeling of seeing a loved one for the first time in a long time. It was all good feelings, and it was ever present in this place. I felt like I would stay in this place for eternity. I felt a welcoming. I felt awareness around me and certainly did not feel alone. I felt that same entity again say 'You can stay here as long as you want'. I wanted to stay. I never wanted to leave. I had been searching for this my whole life. Why had I searched for this on Earth? I didn't care about any of that at the time though. All I cared about was this sea of energies. I felt the entity start to explain 'This is the source'. I watched the sea glitter, and then I saw the colors change. The colors went from many to few. One section of the sea turned purple and pink, the other blue and green. These two felt separated, yet still one. They danced together, rolling around on top of each other. It felt as if they were making love. I realized, this was love. This was a sea of nothing but love energy. This was 'Heaven'. 'Everyone is connected to the source. We come from the source, we return to the source' I heard, in a feeling kind of way.

Then this entity dropped the final few words on me. 'You cannot return to where you were if you stay'. Suddenly everything that I had forgotten, friends, family, physical pleasure, future goals, flooded into my awareness. What I was seeing and where I was had not changed, but I remembered that I was someone before this, and that someone had a life. Surprisingly, I still did not want to go. I became saddened at my dilemma and felt the sea grow further away from me. I sunk lower into sadness. The final straw was the thought of the love I had for my boyfriend at the time. The entity seemed to sigh in amusement, 'You can return later'. The moment I had accepted this answer I began to rewind through my experience. Backwards I went, over the rainbow, to the blackness, back up through the rabbit hole. I hit another patch of blackness and an enormous figure 8 appeared before me. As I got closer to it, I could see that it was a running line of this life's experience. The figure was sideways and made up of clips, like running videos, of different phases in my life. My birth and conception were at one end, with my elderly years at the other. I had a distinct feeling this entire thing had been played out millions of times before. I was suddenly crashing at uncontrollable speed towards these events I felt like I had some control over where I would land, but not total control. In those moments, I knew my entire life story, and I tried to pick a place in the loop to return to that I liked. Finally, I got down to one screen and entered.

I awoke to being resuscitated, surrounded by relieved medical staff and my family. The first face my eyes focused on was my boyfriend's face. He still remembers that moment to this day. I opened my mouth and said 'Here? This time? Seriously?' I scoffed in disgust and closed my eyes.

I have always felt, ever since that day that I picked the wrong time to come back to. I felt like I truly could have gone forward or backward in the line. I recovered just fine from the accident. 

NDERF.org, #6159

Time alters during a near-death experience

Greyson writes: "In 1892, Swiss geology professor Albert von St. Gallen Heim published the first large collection of near-death experiences in the Yearbook of the Swiss Alpine Club. Heim himself had had a near-death experience two decades earlier, when he was twenty-two and mountain climbing in the Alps. As he fell sixty-six feet down a mountain, his body crashed repeatedly against the rocky cliffs. He wrote that he had watched people fall previously and found watching others fall to be a terrifying experience. But when he himself was falling, it was—to his shock—a beautiful experience. He reported being astounded that he was feeling no pain at all.

“Heim was so affected by his experience that he started talking to other climbers who had survived potentially fatal accidents, and he quickly found thirty others with similar stories. Heim described his thoughts speeding up as he fell: What I felt in five to ten seconds could not be described in ten times that length of time. All my thoughts and ideas were coherent and very clear, and in no way susceptible, as are dreams, to obliteration.

“Many other experiencers,” Greyson says, “reported the same rapid thinking. John Whitacre had a near-death experience at age forty-seven while recovering from surgery for pancreatic and liver cancer. Whitacre discovered: I also had the realization I had a body, which was very much like my physical body I left. I was aware of an enhanced state of consciousness, in which my mind was extremely active and alert to what I was experiencing. I was very observant during this state, and my thoughts seemed to go almost twice the normal speed, although very clear in nature.

In a near-death experience, Greyson reports, events seem to be happening at once, or to move forward and backward in time. Survivors say that “time no longer existed, that the very concept of time became meaningless. Among all the people who shared their near-death experiences with me,” Greyson notes, “three-fourths reported a change in their sense of time, and more than half said that they had a sense of timelessness in their near-death experiences.”

Bruce Greyson, After: A Doctor Explores What Near-Death Experiences Reveal about Life and Beyond, 30-33.  

Greyson: a scientist studies near-death experiences

Greyson argues that from his perspective as a scientist: “there is no reason near-death experiences can’t be both spiritual gifts and enabled by specific physiological events. The scientific evidence suggests that both ideas can be true without any conflict—which allows us to move beyond the artificial divide between science and spirituality.” As a researcher, however, his data and experience clearly verify “that near-death experiences are quite real and quite profound in their impact and are in fact important sources of spiritual growth and insight—whatever their source."

The scientific challenge for Greyson has required clarifying what is actually evidence of being real. “Although scientists have made giant strides in understanding the physical part of our world, we also experience nonphysical things, such as thoughts and emotions.” These can’t be studied directly like physical objects, but instead: “we can study them indirectly, by looking at how they affect our words, behavior, and bodily reactions. For example, when we feel anger—a nonphysical emotion—our speech may get louder and more abrupt, our foreheads may wrinkle and our blood pressure rise, and we may slam things down on tables and counters. And from those observable effects, others can infer that we are angry. Respecting things that are difficult to measure, rather than dismissing them as unreal, is not rejecting science. It's embracing science.

His scientific approach has involved historical research as well as interviews. “One of the near-death-experience features that I found most puzzling was the extreme clarity and speed of thought. This is not what I would have expected of an experience that often occurs when the brain is deprived of oxygen. I was skeptical that all these experiencers could really think as clearly and as quickly as they claimed when their brains were being starved of oxygen, so I decided to look into the full range of thought processes that experiencers were describing for me.”

---

Greyson, After: A Doctor Explores What Near-Death Experiences Reveal About Life and Beyond, 8-12, 16-17, 22.

"There was no concept of time."

Bruce Greyson in his book, After, writes that: "Peggy had a near-death experience at age forty-five when her heart stopped during a hysterectomy. She also described her loss of her fear of death and her commitment to live each day to the fullest. 

Peggy recalls: "During a hysterectomy my heartbeat started slowing down and subsequently stopped. I also had no pulse. The anesthesiologist heard the monitor alarm indicate that I had flatlined, and he thought the monitor was malfunctioning. He checked everything and realized my heart had stopped beating and I had no pulse. He yelled at the gynecologist to stop the surgery and called a code.

"The second my heart stopped, I opened my eyes and found myself engulfed in brilliant white light. Being scared was the furthest thing from my mind. I have never felt such peace, joy, contentment, unconditional love, and total acceptance in my entire life! Nothing on this earth compares to the love I felt. Even the light seemed to sparkle with gold dust that felt like love. Being there was the most wonderful, peaceful, protected feeling, and my heart was so filled with joy, I thought it would burst. I never wanted to leave this place. There was no concept of time: two seconds could have been two days, for all I knew. I just never wanted it to end.

It was what I wanted to do more than anything, but something made me hesitate: my family, perhaps, or just that I had unfinished business; I don’t know. They tell me the whole incident lasted less than a minute. In that time, I got a little glimpse of the other side and what awaits me. Love is the most beautiful gift that anyone can give or receive. We all need to nurture our relationships and express our love to those we care about. I see how fragile and short life is, so I now try to live each day to the fullest. I look, forward to dying and have no fear whatsoever. It will be when I can go ‘home,’ where I came from. There is a great peace and joy in my heart that wasn’t there before, and I have a new zest for life.”

Bruce Greyson, After, p, 169-170

The Power of Love is all that really matters

I had gone in for a common routine surgery. I am not sure what happened during the surgery as I was knocked out, all I know is suddenly I was running in a grassy field toward a giant sun. I remembered looking down at my legs and they were short to the ground, I was a child again. There was another child holding my hand and running beside me. It was a little blonde hair boy with blue eyes.

The most amazing part was a pure feeling of the most intense love I can barely describe. It was just wave after wave of pure love. It was within me, it was around me, it was EVERYTHING. It felt like heartbeats of love, one wave of love after another. Yet there was love in the interim as well, then the wave would come with even more and more. It was endless, eternal and complete. I had no fear whatsoever, I had no feeling other than LOVE. I had no thought other than reaching the LIGHT. I felt pure happiness and joy. It was the most beautiful feeling that words could never even come close to describing. The closest thing I can think of to relate it to on this earth would be the moment I brought my child into this world. That moment of pure unconditional love that I'm sure most mothers and some fathers have felt. Still that is only but a very small fraction of what I am trying to explain. Words seem so small and insignificant in comparison to the experience.

So I am running towards this massive sun experiencing total acceptance and love. I knew that nothing earthly mattered anymore and I had this complete sense of peace about everything that I had ever done. I just wanted to keep running toward the light. Then suddenly I heard my name being called from behind me.

I stopped and paused for a moment and I knew I had a choice. To keep going forward or to go back. I never remembered making that choice however. The next thing I remembered were doctors standing over me frantically repeating, “NICHOLE, Stay with us Nichole” and then the pain came. The pain in my body was so intense I could barely stand it. I now believe that they must have cut off my 'sthetics completely at that point and were frantically trying to sew me back up quickly. I have never experienced physical pain like that again thank God. I felt like my body was in a vice and they were squeezing it tighter and tighter.

I do remember laying there saying aloud over and over, "NO, LET ME GO BACK! WANT TO GO BACK!" with tears streaming down my face. I was so upset and I felt for the longest time that I never got to make the choice, that the doctors did it for me and I was so MAD at them.

I think I spent many years depressed and angry because I believed that they robbed me of my graduation date from this planet. I truly believed for so long that I was meant to leave on that day. I couldn’t understand why I would be given a glimpse of something so beautiful only to have to return to such pain. Pain in that moment and pain in the disillusionment of the world in general. I was only 25 at the time but I believed I was done here and that I belonged where the LOVE is. I have always been a tender heart and the violence and greed on this planet seem so foreign to me and ridiculously unnecessary. After this experience it was damn near unbearable for me to witness it for a long time.

It’s taken me 20 years to realize that I did indeed make the choice to stay. I know if I had chose to leave no doctor could have prevented that. I believe I was given a glimpse so that I could carry on KNOWING what we are truly made of. To reinforce my conviction in The Power of LOVE and knowing that it's all there really is and all that really matters. I think I was given this blessing so I could share it with others. I have read other stories so similar to my own, with slight variations in the visual experience, I'm sure due to our own life paths but the feeling of LOVE seems to be the common theme. A Return to Love is no cliché, it is truly LOVE we are made of. It is where we came from and where we will return when we are done with this body. I know we come here to anchor this love in this place, to increase this LOVE, to remember what we are is LOVE, but why I can not presume to say.

Today, I work so hard to raise the awareness of how powerful collective LOVE is. It’s what the entire universe is made of. We can call it anything we want, like God, Allah, Jesus, or Mohammad. But, the name is all the same under the word LOVE. Now I try to help others to Just BE LOVE. My daily mantra is "I LOVE therefore I AM." I am looking forward to my final return to love but in the meantime I hope to share the love I touched for a moment there with the people I love here.

NDERF.ORG #7417

 

During her NDE, she says, she was "home"

I went into this abortion clinic in Austin, under the strong impression that the baby growing inside of me was not meant to be born. How on Earth I knew that being the peaceful, ultra-sensitive, loving girl I was is a mystery. Never in a million years would anyone have guessed me as someone who would abort unless it was dire. In my unique case, the baby had detached from my uterine wall and was barely hanging on. Apparently, all the stress caused spikes in my blood pressure and tonsillitis in the first month, making my body inhospitable. My decision to have the baby removed was a certain decision, and later I would find out why.

I went with my mother who has been a pharmacist for over twenty years, for support. She waited while they lead me back to the room. I laid down on the table, and they put the IVs in and put the gas mask on my face. I took slow deep breaths and closed my eyes. It felt like they were administering too much, so I tilted my head to allow the mask to fall off prematurely. The next thing, while still inhabiting my body, I went into a timeless dimension, which didn't scare me because I had experimented with X-tacy and Acid in high school. I relaxed and welcomed the Deja vu-like feelings. I heard the door creak open, and I knew it was going to happen before it did. I knew what the nurses were going to say before they spoke. I was aware of so much more. Everything was telling me 'This experience is meant to be.' So I relaxed deeper and went with it.

Toward the last part of the procedure, I was still under, but felt the surgeon apply pressure. I wasn't painful, just a jolt of pressure, and I consciously decided to respond with a bodily twinge. I did this to let him know I could feel a little bit. Well, he and the nurses took that as me being in pain, so naturally they turned up my anesthesia. I felt it go into me, and before I knew it, I had left.

All went dark and weightless, an infinite bluish purple perhaps, and amazing sparkling particles connected everything. I was home and I was so appreciative of how real human life seemed! I zoomed to the ceiling and 'faced' all directions simultaneously. I was aware of my body below and felt zero remorse, attachment, fear, or sadness for leaving. I became one with all in existence, yet, I had a firm knowing that I was me. All was okay, all was love, and the purpose of human life is solely for experience and expansion. I was one with the doctor, the nurses, my Mom down the hall, the equipment, the sound of the flat line, and all the space in between. I could have raised the doctor's arm up if I wanted to. But here's the important thing: I had zero desire to manipulate his free will. None. I knew I was capable of controlling the entire situation, it just wasn't in my best interest for me to do so. They were me and I was them. Murder, rape and cannibalism, they are all okay. Just experience to grow from. I knew everything that had ever and will ever exist in the universe. There was perfect infinite timelessness. Linear time is an illusion, just like our skin and bones and five senses. Our carbon-based senses were designed to perceive carbon-based reality, and it is really a spectacular illusion! My true nature is one with all, and I am God. And so is everyone and everything else.

The next thing I remember was hearing my name being screamed very loudly, twice. 'Robyn! ROBYN!' I took the biggest, deepest breath I have ever taken, like my very first breath! I was back. Heavy, but so empowered, so refreshed, I knew everything now. No one can ever lead me astray, and I would never again, for as long as I live, fear death. Because there is no death!!! We are meant to come here and play. That's it. Just be and play and experience this grand illusion of physical reality.

The sensitive details of what I experienced outside my physical body are challenging to describe in written or verbal language, but I did my best. Remember that my brain is merely trying to interpret such a high vibrational experience and decrease it enough to fit into human language according to my brains knowledge and journey. I had an expansive spiritual life before this experience so I can go into more detail sometimes. But people will always be limited to explaining their near death experiences through they're human understanding of God, which is not universal, but subjective. Keep that in mind. Sometimes the less knowledge a brain has of religion is best to keep the translation clear. That's my perspective anyway. 

NDERF.org, #6636

 

Jeff Olsen describes his near-death experience

I left my body at the scene of the accident and visited another realm of light, where I was told by my own deceased wife that I must return to my oldest son who also survived the accident. As I returned to my body, I had profound experiences with the living people I encountered. All judgment was lost as I saw others for who they really are through God's eyes. 

I re-entered my body but barely survived the following 5 months and 18 major surgeries with one foot in this realm and one in the next. During that time I was gaining profound insights, had visitations, and learned new truth.

I had other visits to the other side during that time and experienced profound dreams and visions during my nearly yearlong ordeal. I gained deep spiritual insights. I learned to love at a very deep level and experienced the unconditional love of God in a way that revealed, not only the divinity in myself, but in all of us as God's children.

 

Jeffrey Olsen, I Knew Their Hearts: The Amazing True Story of a Journey Beyond the Veil to Learn the Silent Language of the Heart (2012)