True Home and True Self Revealed in Explosion

 The Third of May, 1969
"B" Co., 2nd Bn/47' Inf (Mech.), 9' Inf Div.

It was toward the end of the dry season, and my platoon was pulling out. Our mission was simple: drive down the road, show the flag, and make sure that we still had the right-of-way. The two slowly moving tracks (armored personnel carriers) in front of mine were already kicking up the pulverized dirt road into little clouds of dust. Lady, the platoon mascot, trotted alongside wagging her tall. She no longer went with us ever since a mine had blown up the track that she had been riding on, I exchanged my cloth hat for a helmet, put on my wire-rimmed sunglasses, and half-cocked the .50 caliber machine gun as we passed through the base camp gate and picked up speed. Lady stopped a few feet beyond the gate and watched us go.

Our four tracks soon achieved a monotonous but comfortable 40 m.p.h. which created a welcome breeze. To either side of the road for mile after mile lay a grid work of rice-paddy dikes dividing the land into tidy rectangles of various sizes. The pale yellow stubble of last season's crop failed to hide the earth in the fields. Separated by cracks an inch wide, the clay soil of the paddies had dried into flagstone-sized blocks. Although the land was flat, the fields did not extend far into the distance, but rather ended abruptly at the ubiquitous wood line.

This woods was composed of thick, lush, green nipa-palm and stood from twenty to thirty feet tall. From no place in the Mekong River Delta could one escape from being completely surrounded by it, Sometimes it might be a couple of miles away, and at others only a few hundred feet. It grew where the delta tributaries were, and they, like a root system were everywhere, "We" controlled the larger towns and villages, the roads, the skies, the major waterways, and the rice paddies. The wood line belonged to "Charlie."

With diesel engines roaring and trailing a huge, mile-long cloud of dust, the column began to approach one of the spots where the dreaded jungle wall squeezed in on the road from both sides. Instinctively, I began to watch the wood line more closely. All of a sudden, a very large anti-tank mine was command-detonated eight feet directly beneath my lil' ol' lilly-white *ss. I immediately knew what was happening (because my track had been blown up before just three weeks prior to this), and thought to myself, "Oh sh*t, here we go again." I was catapulted upwards along with everyone and everything else. People, dust, weapons, ammunition, helmets, and C-ration boxes formed an expanding inverted cone with myself in the middle.

On the journey upward, external time decelerated. The rates of the rotations of all of the objects surrounding me rapidly decreased-in an apparent violation of the law of conservation of angular momentum. I was fascinated by the unnatural ever-slowing gyrations of the bodies of my comrades and wondered, "Is this the end? Are we all dead?" At the apex of my trajectory, time stopped completely and an inexplicable calm descended. The state of consciousness that then prevailed was as to the normal waking state as the normal waking state is to a dream. Whatever It was, It was peaceful, omnipresent (temporally and spatially), omniscient, and absorbed everything into an indivisible Whole.

The entire universe past, present, and future collapsed down to a single Center upon which everything depends for its existence. It is That which does not change. It is the "Light" of Pure Consciousness which illuminates all things. It is the ultimate meaning of the enigmatic Biblical passage, "The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light" (Matt. 6:22). It is the great Nothing-for it includes all things, and therefore, is Itself not a thing. That's how It gets to be the All-in-All.

Furthermore, there was (and still is) absolutely no doubt as to Its authenticity anymore than one would doubt upon awakening from a dream that the waking state is "real" and that the dream was "just a dream." In short, God Himself took over my reins in the sense that "I" no longer existed as a distinct entity-only He exists, There was an overwhelming feeling of bliss, love, compassion, and strangely enough a dazzling sense of déjà vu. The knowledge obtained that the True Home and the True Self of all things had been miraculously revealed.

The events of my life up to that point were unhurriedly and nonjudgmentally reviewed in great detail-not in chronological order, but somehow all at once-although some events were emphasized more intensely than others. Subsequently, "I" was allowed to exist again (there was no choice in the matter-it simply happened) and was given the opportunity to be aware of anything that I wanted to be aware of with the understanding that time was not a factor; indeed, there was "all the time in the world." I proceeded to focus on this or that aspect of my life and concluded that there wasn't too much to be ashamed of Actually, I made extremely poor use of this gift, but then, I was just a naive 22-year-old with a somewhat skewed concept of relative importance.

I could "see" a 360 degree panorama of the road, the wood lines on either side, and the other three tracks of my platoon (two in front and one behind us), The entire episode seemed to be housed in my head, but I was uncertain whether or not my head was still attached to the rest of my body-although, under the circumstances, this point did not seem important one way or the other. In other words, I really didn't care if my life was to be snuffed out or not within the next few seconds. I was then gently (but unequivocally) "informed" that I would survive the explosion without serious injury and even that I would make it out of Vietnam in one piece. So, selfishly, I turned my attention to the immediate situation and very calmly and deliberately concluded that I should: 1) stay conscious so as not to drown in two inches of rice-paddy water, 2) stay loose so as to break as few bones as possible, and 3) roll away from the track so that it wouldn't crush me to death if it tipped over. Only after my mind had run out of things to decide on did time start to rush back in. The transcendental state of consciousness terminated and I reverted back to the normal waking state. I could see the ground about 20 feet below me and began to fall towards it.

I was left with an intense feeling of awe and well-being. Ever since, I have been convinced with a conviction that precedes even my conviction that two plus two equals four. That God IS for me. It is no longer a matter of faith or belief, but rather, one of knowing for sure because I have seen Him as He is. However, it was a pleasant surprise to discover that He is loving, compassionate, and forgiving-properties which I had not previously made adequate allowances for. I will always be thankful to Him for reaching down and picking me up in the palm of His hand so to speak at that particular instant; in fact, it still brings tears of gratitude to my eyes even as I write this thirty years later. Also, I no longer fear death (pain and suffering yes, but not death itself)- because, by His Grace, this particular raindrop remembers the ocean from which it comes. Unfortunately, the experience of this state is up to God not down to us, but take my word-for-word for it, It is always Here and Now and a lot closer than you think.

I have never experienced anything (before or since) which came anywhere near close to being as real and as profound as the state of consciousness which I have feebly attempted to describe. However, my remembrance of it has sufficed to console and comfort me through the vicissitudes of life-especially through the hard times. Sorry, I have not noticed any paranormal or psychic or supernatural abilities with respect to myself-just an unshakable conviction in the reality of something spiritual. If you ever run across a sure-fire method for reawakening this state within me (without blowing me up or telling me to meditate on OM for thirty years), please let know. May God go with you (He will anyway, but it's a nice thought).

NDERF.org

Out of body watching her baby being born

While pregnant with my second child, I could feel something strange going on with my heart. It was identified as an arrhythmia. This was just a couple weeks before I got induced for high blood pressure. After I got checked in to be induced, the nurse was trying to place my IV. I normally have a pretty high pain tolerance, but she kept pushing the needle down into my arm because the "catheter was stuck." I put that in quotations because I have no idea what that means. I felt myself get light headed, told the nurse I was going to pass out, and then I did pass out.

My step mom has a sister who works on the labor and delivery floor.

While passed out, I was in the hall, slightly elevated, looking into my hospital room. I also was able to see my step mom’s sister trying to peek in to see what was happening.

After I came to, my baby’s heart beat was lost for 12 minutes.

A couple days later, I told my husband the story, and he said everything I saw looking into the room was accurate. I told my step mom the story, and she said her sister was trying to peek into the room.  

NDERF.org #9228

Learns her future during her NDE

It was my birthday and my parents let me have a small party. One of my girlfriends was staying the night. My parents went out to dinner and I decided that I was a teenager and wanted to try drinking alcohol like my father did. I filled up a tall glass with Gin held my nose and consumed all of it. The equivalent of at least fifteen shots of straight alcohol.

I quickly became disoriented and then fell unconscious. My sister and my friend put me in my bed and when my parents came home and went in to check on me my mother noticed I wouldn't wake up. At this point, they told me they tried to carry me to the car. My father was so mad, he wouldn't help and I was at this point dead-weight. This is the point when I remember lifting out of my body and floating mid-air over my body, which was lying in the dining room floor. I left my body. I was no longer intoxicated; I was completely clear and could see everything at once. I realized that I was almost dead and became very upset and began to cry for Jesus to help me.

At this moment, I was aware of a light enveloping me. I was the light and it was me. There was another Being with me. The Being let me know that I was going to die and I must leave this body for good. I remember arguing with the Being explaining that I didn't want to because it was so hard going through the childhood years and I didn't want to have to go through this again. The Being indicated that my body was severely damaged and I couldn't go back. I became very adamant at this point that God was all powerful and could fix the body. At some point, the decision was made to let me re-enter my body on my faith or will, whatever one may call it.

The next phase was like an evaluation. I was taken back through my past, beginning with my birth and we went over what had already happened. Then I was shown an overview of key points in my life that was to come. One of these key experiences was that I would have a child at a very early age and it would be a boy. It was explained to me that from this point forward I would do everything earlier than most, including my older sister. I would marry first, bear children first and generally have more responsibility than my sisters and other friends and family members. I was told that I would soon leave my church and have a short period of rebellion and drug experimentation but this would end fairly soon and I would begin to climb out of it. I was told that I was going to be a writer and that my words would touch many people. I was instructed to write a book on or around the age of forty and that after I had fulfilled my life plans I would eventually die before my two sisters.

All of a sudden... I opened my eyes and I was in a hospital bed in the intensive care unit. The preacher from my church was there praying for me. I actually thought at this point that I had died when I saw him there with my mother who was crying. I gradually woke up and asked what had happened? My mother said I had been in a coma for three days and I had almost died.

NDERF.org # 2283 

During NDE sees deceased relatives

I died during brain surgery. I went out of my body. Saw the doctors around working on me during surgery. I went through a tunnel really fast. I was in a wonderful light. I saw a bridge. Across the bridge were people I knew who had died, like my father who had died less than a year before this. He was so happy to see me and said, 'Hi Mija.' There was light around them. Other family members were all smiling at me. He was so proud for them to see me. I was happy to be there. Then after a while, a voice said I had to go back. It wasn't my time. I had things to do. My dad's face dropped. He looked sad. I said I didn't want to go back. I was crying. Then like an instant. I went back through the tunnel and I was back in my body.

NDERF.org #2328 

In NDE learns Jesus had a NDE

I was a pedestrian pushing a disabled car when it was struck from behind. I was between the cars and the impact was so great it bent the frames on both cars. I regained consciousness on a gurney in the emergency room. I knew I was going to die and welcomed the release from pain. Because of my religious upbringing (Southern Baptist) I was expecting a man in white robes on a golden throne to greet me. As I died, there was a cessation of all feeling and blackness closed in and light shrank to a pinpoint. I felt myself falling backwards into the blackness and a cool sensation of wind. I felt myself turn and then a pinpoint of light appeared in the blackness. I came out into the light and was in an upper corner of the emergency room looking down at my body on the gurney. I was not disturbed by being dead or by seeing my body on the gurney. I was in a state of euphoria and a sense of perfect peace and being. I had no pain, wants, or needs of any kind. I had a sense of being home. I sensed a presence behind me and then had a communication. This was beyond telepathy. This was not hearing words in my mind and translating them into thoughts, this was knowing as the other presence knew, an instant sharing of knowledge. I had no interest in asking questions or in seeing anything, I was completely at peace. I understood that I was to return. At this point, I had my first want, the desire to remain. I wanted to know why I was to return.

The wall beyond my gurney became transparent and I was shown what appeared to be a flowing river. It was silver and shimmering as it flowed. The drops in the river were each a different color yet all flowed together as one body of water. Nothing gave me the impression this was actually water or a river but this is the best descriptive example that can be given of something I witnessed for which there are no words. The main body of the flow was silvery shimmering lights with different colored drops on the flow. I understood (I use this term because I did not actually hear) the colored drops were the experiences of all who had lived. The experiences existed as separate items yet belonged to the whole. The whole was the collective knowledge of all. I understood there was no individual, just one, yet each experience was an individual making up the whole. This concept of ONE is so foreign to any description I can give, there seems to be no way now of describing it. My previous understanding of ONE was a single uniqueness. In this case, ONE is something else. Many being ONE and ONE being many, both existing simultaneously in the same time and space.

I further understood that the collective experiences are omniscient knowledge. Everything that has been spoken, heard, and experienced. These colored drops contained each experience down to the memory of every cell division, every thought. All experiences were known at once by the collective consciousness that was the stream. Any experience could be known as if it were a first person experience happening at the time it happened originally. It was then that I was made to understand why there was no man on a golden throne to pass judgment on me. I had the first-person experience of the one called 'Jesus.' I had his entire life (remember, time does not exist). His name was not Jesus, something more like Josephus. He had a regular mom and dad, no God intervention. He had a difficult birth and an NDE during birth. He had a difficult childhood because of his near death experience, he knew too much. As he got older he began to tell people about his experience. He told people not to fear death because they would live forever. He told people that after death there was perfect peace and a perfect state of love. He told people that everyone was exactly the same and everyone could know who they really were and awaken to their spiritual self. He drew a small crowd of followers. After a time some of his followers wanted to form a religion and replace the Jewish priests because of the money and power. He cast the power mongers out of his following. Five of them conspired against him. At his trial there were three witnesses against him, all were his followers. He was hanged (not crucified, he was just a petty criminal to the Romans). Being in a hurry the Romans cut him down a little early and his loyal followers carried his body off. He revived having had a second near death experience (his 'second coming' so to speak). He lived for a while hiding from his five traitorous former friends (the anti-Christ?) but died after a bit from his injuries.

There was no fear, or joy from this stream. I use the term river of life to describe the stream. There was an understanding of complete peace, happiness, and contentment without need or want, coming from the river of life. I had a strong desire now to join the river of life and felt this was home, where I came from. Touching the river gave me insight into realms beyond realms, universes beyond universes, dimensions beyond dimensions; I experienced infinity. I was shown a long line of experiences in other realms of realities and on other worlds. It was some time later I realized it was my past 'lives' review of all existences of which I had been part. There were beings and objects unlike anything I had ever seen or heard of, even in the imaginings of science fiction writers I had read. I was made to know there were an infinite number of realms of existence and all were part of the One, the Source. The stream had distinct layers or levels that were not divided by any kind of barrier but each seemed to be of a different density. The one I experienced was the highest level. Where I first came after death was into the lowest level; I call it the 'between place' or 'lowest level of transition.'

That stream of consciousness and knowledge is what might be termed the 'mind of God'. I understood I was not to join the river of life at that time, I was to go back. At this understanding, I began to have fears and questions. I again reiterated I did not want to go. I understood I was to go back. I then was made to understand there would be great pain. I did not want to face the pain that awaited me. I understood the pain would be great and it would change and mold me. I wanted to know why and what I was to do. I was flushed with two sensations, one after the other. One sensation was of a sense of an action being right that brought a brief moment of the total peace and comfort I had experienced. The other sensation was one of an action being wrong. The sensation for wrong was a darkening of the light and cold. At that point, the light dimmed and I felt myself falling backwards into blackness. There was a cool wind and I felt myself turning. There was a pinpoint of light in the blackness and I reemerged into light on the gurney and in my body. I was mostly unconscious for the next thirty hours and underwent surgery. I understood from family members I died again but I did not have another experience.

NDERF.org #2543

Unconscious burn patient recalls everything

In the Netherlands, where I was working as a plumber, I fell ten meters (thirty feet) from a rooftop. On the street below, I struck a cauldron of tar. A wave of hot tar spilled out over me. Lying there on the street, I was conscious and felt no pain but very warm. 

I cannot remember the ride to the hospital. At the hospital, the doctors started working on me right away. Because they thought I was in tremendous pain, they gave me a shot of morphine. I remember quite well that they called the hospital in Beverwijk, specialized in burn treatment, asking for advice. Doctor Hermans sent an assistant with a quantity of wrappings and Flamazine (ointment used to treat burns, ed.)

Lying at the first-aid station, I had the first out-of-body experience. I saw myself lying on the table and heard the nervous yelling of the doctors and assistants. What I said earlier about the morphine, because they thought I was in tremendous pain - I wasn't, because I was not in my body.

They were wrapping up me in a sort of net, like a sausage, when Doctor Hermans' assistant entered. He got very upset and told the others to unwrap me. They were also trying to take off my Tee-shirt, but because it was stuck to my skin with the tar, they also tore my skin. After I was treated as best as possible, they brought me into intensive care. They brought me in a glass-encased sterile room and put me to bed.

The first week after the accident, they injected me literally full of morphine, to keep me in a sort of coma. Afterwards a doctor and my parents told me that I had not been conscious for one moment during that week. The funny part is that I can remember everything that happened at the intensive care. I know my parents came to visit, that my father had to throw up when he saw me, that my mother did not know what to do and could not stop crying. 

Also a nurse came to sit by me whenever she could manage the time. I knew she was taking courses in surgery assistance. I saw her and her colleagues working the whole week, with me and other intensive care patients. One given moment, I knew precisely what patient was given which medication and what time.

When I still had not died after one week, I was given penicillin. Because of the lack of morphine, I suffered withdrawal symptoms. I slowly regained consciousness and that is when the pain also started.

When I told the nurse, what she was studying for and how far she had progressed, she was incredulous. Afterwards I never saw her again; she avoided me as if I were some sort of pariah. Another nurse I told of the medication patients were getting and she also reacted very strangely. After this, I did not mention it again.

Five weeks later, I was released from hospital. I spent three months at home to heal from the burns and the concussion. I did not have any more out-of-body experiences afterwards.

NDERF.org #2819

"The person I was before the experience is gone."

I had a heart attack due to an untreated heart condition known as Wolfe Parkinson White Syndrome. After leaving my body I was pulled into a void or darkness. In the distance, I saw a white ball of light come close and closer to me. I couldn't really make out what it was until I got closer. I could tell it was a human form. Finally, I realized who it was. It was a deceased friend of mine who had committed suicide the previous year. I was very close to this person in life, we went to High School together and he was a support to me in life as well as in death. He told me that I needed to return there was a strong sense of needing to return. When I asked why he told me my life had a meaning and a purpose. It wasn't my time yet. I did return. 

Did you have a change in your values and beliefs because of your experience?  

Yes I realized that life is too short to worry about things. I have more compassion now, I don't feel afraid of death. Life is a precious gift. The person I was before the experience is gone.

NDERF.org #124