Asked to choose between life or death

At approximately 19:00 I went into full toxic shock and was rushed to the ICU after I called the nurse, and with the last call, was able to tell her that I was losing consciousness. The nurse immediately reacted. Dr Z and her team had to fight to keep me alive. It was like a movie – people shouting your name while running with you on the gurney, almost being rude to keep you awake. Lights flashing past, doors banging open and shut… eventually arriving in the theatre and seeing Dr Z, asking her to please phone Karl to tell him what was happening. Her response was: 'I can’t phone him now; I am saving your life.'

I could hear the urgency in her voice; we’ve known each other for years and she is not the kind of person to easily panic. I knew better than to argue with her.

I could feel myself flailing, going in and out of consciousness. Suddenly everything went quiet (what a relief!), I couldn’t hear anyone anymore and I couldn’t see anything to do with my physical surroundings. The pain and sickliness were gone, nothing hurt anymore.

I became aware of a Presence by my right shoulder, slightly towards the back, just out of view. In front of me was a soft pink glow, surrounded by even-softer green light. I was curious to see what it was, but I was asked by the Presence what I wanted to do: did I want to leave (earth) or did I want to stay (with my family on earth).

No words were spoken, it was just like an understanding; comprehending intelligence on another level. I didn’t want to be rude and not reply but I got a very strong feeling that if I didn’t choose soon, it would be too late. I thought about my two daughters (then aged 3 and 4 weeks) and my husband and decided to stay with them.

As soon as I made that decision, I started hearing everything again, feeling how sick my body was… Dr Z was standing to my right and demanded that I lie completely still – she had to insert a central venous catheter (CVP line) just below my clavicle – there’s a main artery that runs straight into the heart and this was our last resort – no anesthetic. A specialist was holding my left arm and a nurse was holding my right arm; if I moved Dr Z might punch a hole in my lung and then we have another problem. So I lay as still as I could and felt how the thick pipe wormed its way through my chest – straight into my heart. The next moment Dr Z released all the connections on the line and a rush of intravenous medicines pumped through my body. That felt quite good.

I was finally stabilizing but kept in the ICU.  

NDERF.org #9281