Reuniting with dead loved ones: Kerr excerpt #7

After several years of studying the subjective experiences of the dying, we began to question the common perception of dying as a passive process leading to emptiness and finality. We were now intrigued by the notion that dying was not about a “fading of the light” but may instead represent a period of remarkable growth for the patient. We conducted a study that asked if experiencing ELDVs affected patients’ post-traumatic growth, or the positive psychological changes that can occur during or after trauma. Here, the trauma for patients is forgoing curative treatment and entering hospice, as accepting one’s impending death is undoubtedly a traumatic event. Could ELDVs change the amount of post-traumatic growth felt by a dying individual?

In this study, patients experiencing ELDVs generally scored higher in every category of post-traumatic growth than patients who were not having ELDVs. The most significant differences were in personal strength, spiritual change, and overall post-traumatic growth. This means that patients with ELDVs showed greater strength and resilience, forged a deeper spiritual and existential connection, and generally exhibited greater positive change. In other words, patients do not stop living because they are dying. This definition of “living” defies physical form and instead occurs when eyes are closed, and brains are fading. The inner world of the dying patients, defined more by mind than brain function, appears to thrive in dimensions unseen.

Having reviewed the data above, this section will provide a series of case examples drawn from our formal studies. The facts and numbers presented from our studies cannot fully capture what is a deeply human experience, as unique as each individual experiencing the End-of-Life Dreams and Visions (ELDVs). Ultimately, the specific meaning and experience of ELDVs need to be understood on an individual basis and within the context of the life that was led. These cases studies are not only significant in number but share remarkably similar qualities. At end of life, consciousness heightens and reveals an existence that is ultimately not defined by a before or an after death but instead connects us to those who have died and continue to exist through, with as well as within us.

The sample cases below will move from more to less representative examples, to reveal the extent to which the continued presence of consciousness after death can be observed irrespective of the patient’s background, age, or variations in cognition.

Of the over 1500 patient/families interviewed, few could be more representative than Bridget, an 81-year-old devoted Lutheran grandmother who suffered from chronic obstructive lung disease.

Bridget was so uneasy about the implications of her ELDVs that she grew increasingly, and uncharacteristically, quiet. When her dreams became so vivid that they seemed to blend into her awake state, she repeatedly asked, “why am I seeing this? Am I going crazy?” Bridget’s daughter, herself uncertain, did not know what to say. 

Bridget shared her recurring dream of two deceased aunts who were standing and watching over her. These experiences were followed by visions of her mother, dressed in a long, luminous white dress and sitting at the dining room table, crocheting. Although without voice, this motherly figure was a powerfully felt presence. Bridget could not come to terms with what she herself described as her “visions.” They created somewhat of a crisis of faith since at life’s end, she could not reconcile what she saw with the precepts of her religion. She had expected to see angels, not dead people. Like so many, the deceased return to the dying in a way that feels as though they were never gone but waiting to reunite at the appointed hour. As with most patients, such reunions feel not only needed but right. Bridget’s consciousness was not only vibrant, defined by love but was now shared with those she loved most. These were the relationships that had defined her in life. The reunion of the deceased with the dying suggests that consciousness, beyond our physical existence, may be shared or unifying. As Fenwick postulates, in this way consciousness appears to act as a filter, one that arises and opens up towards the end of life.

The weight of the world was lifted off of Bridget’s shoulders when we explained to her how common these end-of-life dreams and visions were, that what was happening to her was no anecdotal oddity but a recognized and studied phenomenon. It helped to cite the results of our study: that the vast majority of our patients, nearly 90% in fact, had reported at least one end-of-life experience during their enrollment in our research. From that point on, Bridget became so comfortable discussing her end-of-life experiences that she delighted in telling us that spirits like to follow the living, especially disbelieving people.

When patients have their pre-death dreams and visions validated, life’s end can become a journey toward a transformed state, often of wholeness regained. Our study confirmed that ELDVs help patients connect and reconnect to who they were, those they loved and who loved them back. They become a way of preserving or resurrecting the integrity of the self. Within the words of our dying patients were illuminating stories of deeper meaning, an inner journey through which selves were honored, wounds were healed, and bonds restored. For many, this meant reuniting with those who loved them best and whom they needed most. 

 

Christopher Kerr, “Experiences of the Dying: Evidence of Survival of Human Consciousness,” an essay written for the 2021 Bigelow Institute for Consciousness Studies in response to the question: “What is the best evidence for survival of consciousness after bodily death?” Dr. Kerr, MD, PhD, is the Chief Medical Officer and Chief Executive Officer for Hospice & Palliative Care Buffalo. The full text with notes is available at https://bigelowinstitute.org/contest_winners3.php.