The bereaved perspective: Kerr excerpt #6

Dr. Christopher Kerr writes that two research studies: "assessed the effect of our patients’ End-of-Life Dreams and Visions (ELDVs) on the bereaved, specifically, how ELDVs affect grief and bereavement for those who lost a loved one. These studies,* which combined included roughly 750 bereaved loved ones, demonstrate that participants felt the dreams helped with their overall grief (58.2%), accepting their loss (49.3%), working through the pain of grief (46.1%), adjusting to their new world without the deceased (39%), and continuing the bond with their loved one (45.9%). In general, the more comfort they felt an ELDV brought to their dying loved one, the more comforted caregivers were during bereavement. The impact of ELDV’s impact on grief processing was also quantified and shown to be statistically significant when measured using validated instruments such as the Core Bereavement Items. The video of a widower named Norb is one example (Link to Norb Interview Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3cmo7UyFBwY).

"In addition to the above studies which focused on the impact of the dying patients’ experiences on the bereaved, we also published a study which focuses on the dreams of the bereaved, specifically dreams that focus on loved ones who have passed.** The distinction is important: these individuals were not actively dying yet they too often reported a continuous connection to loved ones who had passed. In this study, 58% of 278 bereaved respondents reported dreaming of the deceased. Prevalent dream themes include pleasant memories or experiences, the deceased free of illness, memories of the deceased’s illness or time of death, the deceased in the afterlife appearing comfortable and at peace, and the deceased communicating a message. The following video is of a woman named Patricia who is recalling dreams of her deceased husband, Chuck, who had passed 13 years earlier. In these dreams, Patricia gets to reexperience a daily ritual that they shared during their long marriage (Link to Patricia Interview Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTzzAUgJDq0).

"Those who dreamed about a loved one did so with varying frequency: daily (7.5%, n = 12), weekly (23.6%, n = 38), monthly (15.5%, n = 25), less than monthly (26.7%, n = 43), and other (25.5%, n = 41). Most respondents reported that their dreams were pleasant (n = 89), specifically dreams that featured pleasant past memories or experiences (n = 105). Other prominent categories included the deceased free of illness (n = 65), memories of the deceased’s illness or time of death (n = 56), the deceased in the afterlife appearing comfortable and at peace (n = 43), and the deceased communicating a message (n = 41). Many respondents described the content of their dreams in vivid detail. Most respondents who dreamed of the deceased also felt that this experience impacted the emotions related to their bereavement process (60.2%, n = 97). Some reported that their dreams helped them accept the death of a loved one. Others described how their dreams helped them retain a connection with the deceased: 'I feel closer to mom than at the time of her death. At the time I felt cut off. Now feel as if I was reconnected in at least a small way.' The deceased continued to live in the consciousness of those left behind, in a way that represented both the bereaved’s vantage point and that of the deceased. Again, these experiences are less 'dream-like' than experiential.

"Taken together, the above studies strongly suggest that both the dying and the bereaved experience meaningful inner processes that strengthen connectivity amongst those they love and were loved by, whether physically present or not. Such connectivity exists beyond our physical forms and supports the existence of a consciousness that extends beyond our dichotomized understanding of life and death."

*Grant PC, Depner RM, Levy K, LaFever SM, Tenzek KE, Wright ST, Kerr CW. Family Caregiver Perspectives on End-of-Life Dreams and Visions during Bereavement: A Mixed Methods Approach. J Pall Med. 2020; 23(1);48-53. 

Grant PC, Levy K, Lattimer TA, Depner RM, Kerr CW. Attitudes and Perceptions of End-of-Life Dreams and Visions and Their Implication to the Bereaved Family Caregiver Experience. Am J Hosp Pall Med. 2020; 38(7);778-784.

 

**Wright ST, Kerr CW, Doroszczuk NM, Kuszczak SM, Hang PC, Luczkiewicz DL. The Impact of Dreams of the Deceased on Bereavement: A Survey of Hospice Caregivers. Am J of Hospice and Pall Med. 2014; 31(2);132-138.

 

Christopher Kerr, “Experiences of the Dying: Evidence of Survival of Human Consciousness,” an essay written for the 2021 Bigelow Institute for Consciousness Studies in response to the question: “What is the best evidence for survival of consciousness after bodily death?” Dr. Kerr, MD, PhD, is the Chief Medical Officer and Chief Executive Officer for Hospice & Palliative Care Buffalo. The full text with notes is available at https://bigelowinstitute.org/contest_winners3.php.